When An Ex Wants To Be Just Friends
July 12, 2010 by Kara Oh
Filed under All About Dating
p>
What do you do when an ex wants to get back together, but you think it might be just as friends, and you still have feelings for him? This is a dangerous thing to do because it will keep you stuck in heartache.
When you still have feelings and get back together as a couple, it is too painful to have him near, but basically unavailable. Plus, when he’s wanting to be just friends, he’s going to date and want to tell you about it.
If you spend time as “just friends” when you heart is aching to be with him, you’re being a doormat, allowing him to use you to get some of his needs met, while you ignore your own needs.
This is a good time for you to speak up and set your boundaries. This is not easy when you’re hoping he’s interested in more than just friendship. But if you don’t say anything, and attempt to get together, you’ll be dishonoring yourself. Tell him you still have feelings so you can’t be just friends. Then stick to what you know is best for you in the long run.
One of the most important things I teach in Men Made Easy is how to develop your Feminine Grace. Part of that is learning to fall in love with yourself, learning to honor yourself and not settle for less than you deserve. Getting back with an ex who hasn’t made it clear he wants to be a couple is not how you take care of your own needs. That has to come first. Too many women ignore their own needs when it come to men. Don’t let that happen to you.
From my heart to yours,
Kara, this is so true.. my partner informed me recently that he no longer wants to be in a relationship – but that I didnt have to move out.. I could board… Well how hard was that – not because he wanted to talk about his dates etc. more because he hid them from me- so even as a friend he couldnt be honest with me!! That hurt more than if he had told me about them…
I am glad I read this post as it has given me perspective – it is about me – not him – I want to be appreciated for who i am – not just a doormat… I thought by being around him my needs were being met… having him near me – but what is the point when he is physically here but unavailable emotionally… thank you again.
Well said, Kara, a reminder to always “think like a man and act like a lady”. Can men and women really ever just be friends, after? winding emotionally backwards?
Men first and foremost connect with women, physically and sexually. Women connect emotional and maaaaany other aspects. IF there are any connections or hopes those energy cords are attachments(7 years). Waking up to “giving our power to love, away, to a man not reciprocating or consciously connecting(meeting our needs) is self-destructive. Period.
I always ask? Vibrationally, self love and appreciation draws men who respect and care for many aspects of all life. Pouring Light out to the world, rather than sucking/using women for his biology. Selfish use of women is destructive and matched vibrational with a women who is already in self destruction by negative attachment, unhealthy boundaries and lacking her own self love.
It is important to use your God given GPS..EMOTIONS… to tell where you are vibrating!! If your are in lower energies, self loathing, frustration, regrets or desperation??? He matches you in use and abuse… even if only to “talk” about his other conquests? WAKE UP!! There are no victims!! You are using him, he is using you…. not recommended.
Really, when I feel good about myself??? Choose loving and healthy choices! I bless the past, have faith in my future and live loving in the NOW. Therefore, I do NOT even in think about the “Ex-hole” lol NOT a vibrational match, at all!
aho,
Joni
This really helped me!! My ex and I had relationship for 5 years. (My very bad!!) and now he’s single and left me for another. Now after three months, he wants me to see his boat and his intentions are just as friends! I now realize I still have feelings for him and my expectations of this get together would probably break my heart. I don’t know what to do, because I still want to be friends with him. He doesn’t usually initiate contact, it usually is me. I could use your advice on this one. I am also working on making my marriage better, as he is still involved with his relationship. It’s just very hard. What is wrong with me? I asked if he was looking to rekindle our relationship and he said “no”, just wants to be friends.