Was He a Good Lover?
June 3, 2010 by Kara Oh
Filed under All About Sex
The more time I spend studying the world of romance, love, relationships, and men, the more I’m convinced about why women lose interest in sex.
More often than not I think it is because most men don’t really know what it takes to be a good lover. I’m not even talking about a great lover. Those are rare and usually if they’re too good, they’re also pretty likely to need lots of variety. They didn’t get good at making love by reading Shakespeare!
The problem is that most men aren’t able to receive advice on the topic of their sexual abilities. And even for those who do want to learn, they don’t know what it means to have a softer touch, or to kiss more sensuously, or to simply slow down the process and pay enough attention to read the signs of how the woman is progressing. And when you think about it, how would most men learn to be good in bed? There’s nothing in our society that is meant to teach men the finer points of sexual ability.
I happen to think that women are, overall, more sexual than men. That’s because women are more sensual. They’re more inclined to enjoy the world through their senses because they’re more in touch with their senses. They’ve been encouraged all their lives to be open to what the senses can tell. So it stands to reason that they are more sensually inclined when it comes to sex.
When a sensually open woman has a partner who isn’t very sensitive to the full possibilities of sexual expression, she’s frustrated and eventually, prefers not to have sex at all. When a man is too rough, lacks knowledge of female sexuality and anatomy, and think she’s there to facilitate his orgasm, most women will lose interest very quickly.
You can go from “Totally Confused” about men to knowing how to melt his heart and bask in how good it feels to be cherished by a man who adores you!
Click here to find out how.
Visit Kara Oh on the web!
LipSmackingLove.tv and Alive With Love
Hi, My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2yrs. To be honest I was never really sexually attracted to him (I’ve never been with a man for his looks, it’s always been about how I was treated). I was looking at him as a wonderful man, he is kind, affectionate, talkative and very loving to me. He seems to have more femine qualities then masculine qualities. We’re more like best friends, we have wonderful communication, calls all the time, etc. he’s not gay (just to get that out there). Anyway, sexually he tends to have a hard touch, sloppy kisser and somewhat clumsy when we make love. I don’t know if he lacks confidence or if it’s because I was never sexually attracted to him. I’ve suggested watching how to video’s (he didn’t like that idea), porn, offered suggestions and books. I didn’t do it in a harsh way, I put it in a way that I wanted both of us to learn, but nothing we’ve tried seems to work. I don’t put him down, but I am so frustrated I just can’t be without that passion or spark in my life. I’ve always been very sexual and I’m almost ready to give up on the relationship because of this. I want a masculine, confident and sexually stimulating man. Everything else with the relationship is very good. Can this change? Do I leave? Any advice would be appreciated!
If you knew that you need a passionate, satisfying sexual aspect to your relationship when you first got involved with this man, then you were taking a big risk. If lots works and you just need to teach him some of the things you like, that’s fine. But if the kissing (which you can find out about on the first date) isn’t good, that’s a sign that you won’t be happy with him. It might seem harsh, but from personal experience, needing terrific sex, I’ve yet to meet a man who can make as big a change as you require in this man. You must determine whether or not to leave by determining how important this is. Sounds like it’s pretty important. It appears to be pretty obvious that eventually, you will become very unhappy and resentful.
Melanie, I have been in the exact same situation as you( its was like reading by situation to a T). He was the perfect boyfriend with all the qualities to go with it. But in the bedroom department he just did not cut the mustard. At first I put it down to inexperience and perhaps nervousness.
We were together for 7+ years and things did not get any better. We tried lots of props: sexy clothing, creams, porn, oils, etc, but things did not improve in fact they started to get worse.
I hung on the relationship because like I said we seemed perfect together. However, when the relationship fell apart there was nothing left. I think one of the reasons it did fall apart is that we were intimate less and less and he starting being very critical of me probably out of frustration.
I thought after 4 years that I was frigid or my situation was due to going through the menopause. However, when we really stopped being with each other I met a guy and he took my breath away…. nothing was the matter with me…. it was just like being in my 20′s again. Sex was terrific.. we did stuff together which I only could dream about. Nothing was the matter with me I WAS NORMAL!
My take on this is ” some guys are good in bed naturally”, ” some guys become good in bed after much practice and experience and thirdly ” some guys are never good in better no matter how much experience they have. Unfortunately your guy is in the 3rd category, so now can you make the right decision for yourself!