How Do You Know When He Really Loves You?
August 18, 2010 by Kara Oh
Filed under All About Men
Your primary sense of self is through your relationships–as a mother, a friend, and a wife and lover; his is his success as a man.” Men Made Easy
Everyone has their own best way of expressing and experiencing love. Men are often uncomfortable with strong emotions, partly because they have been conditioned to avoid them. Men can fall pretty hard when they do allow themselves to love, and that often scares them. Some even say they feel they will lose themselves if they love too freely. So, often they keep themselves under control.
Your partner may have a way of expressing love to you which is too subtle for you to notice. Or, maybe it’s in a form that you don’t automatically respond to because it’s not your best way to receive love. Most people give love in the way they would like to receive it. And they way people learn to give and receive love has a lot do to with how they learned it in their families. If you were held a lot but never were told with words that you were loved, then you probably need touching more than the words “I love you.” He’s the same way.
So, in order to better receive his love, when you know your man is feeling particularly comfortable with you, ask him: “When you’re experiencing the strongest feelings of love for me, in what way do you usually express it?”
You may be surprised to find that he’s been expressing his love all along but in ways that you were not equipped to notice. Knowing that it is more difficult for men to express these feelings, and less easy for them to change, learn to receive his love with a newfound openness. As he’s speaking, listen without comment. The quieter you are, the safer he’ll feel expressing himself. Remember that this may be new territory for him. After he’s done talking, don’t comment in any “editorial” way. Let him know you appreciate what he said by snuggling with him.
At another time ask him how he’d most like to receive your love, then ask if he would like to hear your answer to those questions. You’ll both gain new clarity about an often fuzzy subject.
From my heart to yours,
The Single Most Important Skill You’ll Need
If you’ve ever wondered what the single most important skill is for creating a deeply loving, passionate relationship is, I would tell you, without a doubt – it’s the ability to use the power you already have, as a woman, over any man you want to influence.
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Love, Love, Love…Blah, Blah, Blah
January 6, 2010 by Kara Oh
Filed under Feminine Grace
Someone asked me the following question today and I thought it would be an interesting topic to post here:
Hi Kara,
I have some very good friends who tell everyone, even people on FB that they’ve never met that they “Love” them. While I appreciate the compassion and sentiment, I think it’s inauthentic. To me, “Love” is how I feel about VERY dear friends and family. If they saw me saying that to everyone, our connection wouldn’t seem so special. What do you think?
And my response:
I agree with you. I also find it a bit strange when people get too gushy about their ‘facebook family’ and how special they are. I enjoy the people I interact with here and have met a few face-to-face and talked to some on the phone but I don’t gush. Instead, I appreciate, which IS authentic.
In our language we use love to describe an awful lot of things. In Spanish, the only language I know well enough to describe, they have different terms for different types of love and the “I love you” for their romantic partner is used very judiciously. We would do better if we had a variety of words to describe love. I love chocolate, I love the memory of my dear little dog, I love that you asked me this question, I love my ex-fiance’ but like a brother now. Wouldn’t it be great if we had a different word for each of those connotations of ‘love.’
I remember when I was starting to feel a need to pull away from my fiance’, I was very conscious of not wanting to even sign an email with the word love in it. That kind of love can only be authentic when it’s felt. Now I can tell him I love him but in the way I love him as a brother, not a romantic partner. It is authentic, but feels different.
Thank you for asking the question. I really appreciate it. – And I mean that! “-)
From my heart to yours,
The Heart Whisperer™
For more articles on love and romantic relationships please visit Kara Oh at Alive With Love here.
