The Luxury of Love

Many of our reactions to each other, what attracts us and drives us to want to be with someone of the opposite sex is deeply embedded in our biology and has to do with survival over the eons of time. But today, because survival is not the motivating factor in our lives, we are blessed with the opportunity to fall in love, to pleasure each other with romantic gestures and to want a love that endures and deepens over time.

When survival was the motivating factor in a couple marrying and creating a family, there weren’t the complications of dating. Even today, many cultures still have arranged marriages where the most important factors are political, economic and whether or not the woman seems to have baby-making potential. But in many cultures, like here in the U.S., it’s a lot of work to find someone with whom there is a mutual attraction and even more work to keep that love and attraction alive over time. One thing that can really help people have greater success is to know each other better. It is estimated that 83% of divorces could be prevented if couples asked each other the right questions. For a list of the most important questions to ask, click here.

Most of our role models for modern relationships are from movies and television. With divorce, kids don’t have any kind of roll model of how it might be to have a home with loving parents. So we are making it up as we go, and it’s pretty obvious that we’re not doing a very good job. One of the best ways to stay “in love” is to create triggers that help us let go of the petty grievances and stay focused on the qualities that attracted us in the first place.

During some quiet time, write a description of the man you fell in love with. Focus on the things that you most admire, the things that made you tingle at the thought of him, the things you did together, and the things he did to you. Bring back the feelings you had when you were falling in love with him and you couldn’t keep your mind off of him. Unless he’s changed and is mistreating you, you can re-ignite those feelings of love. Think of the strongest trigger for you and lock that in as the thing that you will think about when you begin to get angry or frustrated at him, especially when it’s over petty things. I always think about how my husband looked during our wedding ceremony. Melts my heart every time.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship or a perfect man or woman. But there is such a thing as love and it doesn’t have to die. But like any fire, if it doesn’t get tended, watched over, given more fuel to burn, it will go out. Love isn’t that easy to come by, especially love so strong that we actually want to marry someone. So how sad, when that love dies, especially if it is mostly because the relationship became less important than the job, the house, the social life, the shopping. Without love, life is lacking, like hearing a favorite love song, and having no one to ask to dance.

So make that list. Feel the feelings of love as you remember in vivid color, feel the emotions, and enjoy reliving the beginning of your love. Then share your best memories with your partner. Better yet, ask him to make a list of his own, then, on a special date or weekend away, share your memories. And don’t be surprised that you have new memories to share.

From my heart to yours,

The Single Most Important Skill You’ll Need

If you’ve ever wondered what the single most important skill is for creating a deeply loving, passionate relationship is, I would tell you, without a doubt – it’s the ability to use the power you already have, as a woman, over any man you want to influence.

That’s because the single most important ingredient of any successful relationship is… the power that is hidden within you right now. I call it Feminine Grace and I’ll teach you how to use it. Click Here.

He’s Ruining Everything!

When a man asks the question, “Is this all there is?”, somewhere between 35 and 55, they often go into what is referred to as Midlife Crisis. It is a serious time in their lives because it is the peak time (other than during the teen years) when they are most likely to commit suicide, to ruin their marriage, their family, their finances, abuse drugs or alcohol, etc. So it is not to be taken lightly.

But, that doesn’t mean you should take any kind of abuse. You need to focus on taking care of yourself, and not take what he’s doing personally because it isn’t about you. It’s about him, trying to come into rapport to how his life is, at that moment in time. Most don’t have the skills to deal with that kind of question, which is why they seek pleasure, lost youth, thrills, etc. It’s simply a way to avoid the question that is haunting them.

So focus on you, take care of yourself, do things that help you grow, and try your best to just hold things together. DO NOT accuse him of having a midlife crisis, of being a child, or anything else because that will for sure push him away. Just do what you can to insulate yourself (and your finances) from the things he’s doing.

Hear this: “It isn’t about you.”

I know you want answers, but this is what I know about this very serious topic. I wrote a book on it, and right before it was ready to be published, my computers were stolen and I lost it. So I’ve put a lot of time and energy into understanding this fragile time in a man’s life.

It isn’t about you.

To understand men better, you will want to download my 3 free ebooks that answer the question: Is he a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince, or all three? Get yours immediately at KaraOh.com.

To truly understand men and why they do what they do…and more importantly, how you can get more of what you want, you’ll want to start reading Men Made Easy right away.

From my heart to yours,

The Single Most Important Skill You’ll Need

If you’ve ever wondered what the single most important skill is for creating a deeply loving, passionate relationship is, I would tell you, without a doubt – it’s the ability to use the power you already have, as a woman, over any man you want to influence.

That’s because the single most important ingredient of any successful relationship is… the power that is hidden within you right now. I call it Feminine Grace and I’ll teach you how to use it. Click Here.

Three Ways To Bring Back the “In Love Sparkles”

If you’ve been together for a while, those “in love sparkles” can disappear. Sometimes they just ebb and flow, coming and going mysteriously.

When they’re gone, things just don’t feel as good as they used to.

Often, we’re not very aware of why things don’t feel quite right, you wonder if your relationship is over, and hope that somehow, the love will return.

We don’t know why it went away and we don’t know why it comes back.

But what if you could help keep the feelings of being ‘in love’ alive? Quite often a man or woman contacts me, worried because their  partner has announced they’re no longer ‘in love.’

Too often it’s assumed this means the relationship or marriage is over, and often it is, because they’ve let things go too far.

But if they had known what they could have done along the way to keep the ‘in love sparkles’ alive, they very well might not have gotten to the point of no return.

So, here are three things that can help a couple bring back the ‘in love sparkles:’

1. Start having fun again.
2. Start having more sex by kissing for 10 second at least once a day.
3. Speak up, in a loving way, instead of allowing resentment to build up.

1 – Start Having Fun Again

Remember when you first fell in love? Weren’t you having fun doing pretty much anything? And didn’t you make a point to create activities and time together so you could have fun together? Didn’t you laugh and do silly things because you felt so youthful?

Well, think back; what did you do then that you can plan now? Make things happen because they’re aren’t going to happen on their own.

2 – Share 10 Second Kisses

You can’t get aroused if you allow a kiss to go at least ten seconds. If you kiss for ten seconds as you part in the morning, you’ll both be thinking about each other in new and spicy ways.

If you share ten second kisses when you meet at the end of the day, you might end up in the bedroom for a spontaneous romp. And if you kiss for ten seconds when you’re in bed, it’s amazing how often you will no longer be too tired to have sex.

3 – Speak Up and Avoid Resentment, the Love Killer

This is a bit tricky if you’ve both been holding back and allowing resentment to build up, maybe over many years. In my Marriage Makeover Manual there are three Communication Techniques that I teach so couples can safely talk about the little and sometimes big things that have been swept under the rug.

The biggest problem with resentment is it causes us to begin to develop loathing toward our partner, and who wants to be touched by someone you loath?

That’s why I call resentment the killer of love. And the strange thing is, we do it to ourselves by not speaking up when they do or say things that usually start out as small irritations.

If you want to know how to talk to your husband or significant other about what’s been bothering you, I’ll post an article on how to do that in my next newsletter. Be sure to register for it here. You will find it on the right side of the blog where it says “3 Free eBooks”.  It is free and fun! Andhttp://www.alivewithlove.comhttp://www.alivewithlove.com you get 3 terrific books!

 

From my heart to yours,

The Single Most Important Skill You’ll Need

If you’ve ever wondered what the single most important skill is for creating a deeply loving, passionate relationship is, I would tell you, without a doubt – it’s the ability to use the power you already have, as a woman, over any man you want to influence.

That’s because the single most important ingredient of any successful relationship is… the power that is hidden within you right now. I call it Feminine Grace and I’ll teach you how to use it. Click Here.

5 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Relationship

Women are the leaders in the relationship. Men know it better than women do. A woman can change the tone and energy more easily then they realize… and it’s fun to watch a man respond.

The quickest way to shift the energy in the moment–and as the primary way you interact with each other–is to remember that beneath the surface, down in his and your hearts, is a desire to be loved, accepted and appreciated.

If you open your heart for a moment, let go of the hurt and resentment, and imagine loving energy being exchanged between you, you will instantly shatter any negative feelings. That’s because it’s not possible to hold love in your heart at the same time you’re feeling anything negative. If you choose not to do this, I would invite you to look at why. That would be a good topic for coaching.

Here are 5 fun and easy ways to instantly improve your relationship:

1) Instead of complaining, whining, or raising your voice, speak softly with clear, concise, respectful, gracious, beautiful and loving language.

How do you do that? Before you “react” stop for however long you need in order to calm yourself. Walk away, explaining that you need to collect your thoughts before continuing. Remind yourself that you love each other, open your heart to his, and allow those negative feelings to dissipate.

Next, plan what you want to say. Sometimes I even write down what I need to communicate so I remember what I need to say. Then, when it’s time to talk about it, I ask that I be allowed to finish before he speaks. You’ll be surprised how well this works. He’ll stay open to what you need to say, you’ll be heard, and if you continue throughout the conversation as two people who love each other your relationship will begin to blossom.

And don’t start out with, “We need to talk.” That strikes fear into the heart of every man. Instead, ask, “I need your help with something. Do you have time for me to share?” Big difference because men like to help solve problems for the woman they love.

• The benefit to you? You will get his attention, his cooperation, and his respect.
• Why does it work? Men need clear, concise, unemotional language to be able to hear you. Otherwise, they shut you out completely. And we all know how good they can be at doing that.

2) Look for ways he makes you happy and let him know… regularly. Some examples might be: “It makes me happy that you like solving problems for me,” or, “You make me feel wonderful when you tell me you love me,” or, “It makes me happy that you help with the kids…and they love it.” One of the chapters in my book, Men Made Easy is titled: “Why Men Are Driven To Make Women Happy.” Letting him know you’re happy makes him feel successful. He needs that and you can give it to him.

• The benefit to you? He’ll start looking for more ways to make you happy.
• Why does it work? If you’re not happy he feels like a failure and men hate to fail.

3) Appreciate him often, especially for his masculine qualities and those things you know he likes about himself, things he’s proud of.

Examples could be: “I really appreciate what a nice home you’ve been able to give us. I don’t think I tell you enough,” or, “I love how strong you are. I like watching you work,” or, “The way you make love to me is so perfect, mmmmmm.”

• The benefit to you? He’ll fall in love each time you do it and you’ll make him feel like a hero. (The last secret in Men Made Easy is “A man wants to be with a woman who makes him feel like a man.”)
• Why does it work? Men compete with other men and need to measure up. You can validate his worth as a man.

4) Give him romantic kisses instead of pecks. Long hello kisses tell him you’re glad to see him, long good-bye kisses tell him you can’t wait until he returns, long thank-you kisses tell him you really appreciate what he did for you, and “hey you, kiss me” kisses tell him you want him.

• The benefit to you? He’ll feel more connected to you and look forward to being with you.
• Why does it work? Physical connection is the only way most men know how to be intimate and physical intimacy is what makes your relationship special from all other relationships.

5) Flirt with him. Be playful, tease him, say slightly naughty things once in a while, and gaze into his eyes with a “come here, big boy” twinkle.

Why do we think we can quit doing the things we did when we were first falling in love? The relationships that endure are those where the couple stays “in love” and have fun together. That means flirting, being playful, being sexy and sensual, and remembering why we fell in love in the first place.

• The benefit to you? You’ll both feel younger, friskier, and more in love and you won’t end up in divorce court.
• Why does it work? Flirting is a kind of play and playfulness helps cement your bond.

If you do all these things on a regular basis, you can repair a lot of damage and bring back the in-love sparkles. You can look at this as work or you can look it as fun. It’s all in your desire and your attitude. Remember, you’re the engine that runs the relationship.

To learn all my Secrets about men, and how to use them go to MenMadeEasy.com.

And to discover if he’s a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince, or all three, download 3 free ebooks at KaraOh.com.

From my heart to yours,

The Single Most Important Skill You’ll Need

If you’ve ever wondered what the single most important skill is for creating a deeply loving, passionate relationship is, I would tell you, without a doubt – it’s the ability to use the power you already have, as a woman, over any man you want to influence.

That’s because the single most important ingredient of any successful relationship is… the power that is hidden within you right now. I call it Feminine Grace and I’ll teach you how to use it. Click Here.

 

Join me on the Web!

• Twitter
• Facebook
• YouTube
• LipSmackinLove.tv
• AliveWithLove.com

 

How to Stay Happily Married

Will Smith was interviewed a while back and he talked about his reason for his successful marriage. He said there is no way that there won’t be really hard times in any marriage. If divorce is an option, then eventually, something will be difficult enough to bring down a marriage. For Will and Jada, divorce is not an option.

Because divorce is not an option for them, when the hard times come along, they work it out. But to have a happy marriage, not just an enduring one, there’s more to it than that. In the past, when my mother was a divorcee’, that was shameful because it was so rare. That word isn’t even used today. Yes, people stayed married but that doesn’t necessarily mean they were happier.

Because those couples didn’t necessarily have great marriage skills, many of them were not “happily” married. They tolerated each other, they slept in different rooms, they lived their lives, putting one step in front of the other.

So where is the successful balance of “divorce is not an option” and being “happily married?” Well, we need to learn how to communicate effectively, to know how to avoid the build-up of resentment – which is one of the quickest, and easiest, ways to kill love – how to consciously keep the romantic love alive, to keep sex a priority, to have fun together, to continue to trust and respect each otherhttp://www.alivewithlove.com. all the things that are essential to a happy marriage.

All those aspects of what makes a marriage happy and enduring can be learned. The sad thing today is that divorce IS an option for most couples and combined with no marriage skills, when things get difficult–and they always do–divorce is just too easy. What’s hard is to take responsibility, admit you both need to change and dig in and take the steps necessary to learn new skills. Then, after all has been tried, opt for divorce from a wiser position, not as an easy fix.

To learn the skills necessary to create an amazing marriage, I have two programs that can make the difference between divorce and a happy, fulfilling marriage. One is Men Made Easy and the other is Marriage Makeover Manual. It does take some effort, but the rewards are definitely worth it.

And if you want to know if he’s a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince, or all three, you’ll want to download my three free ebooks at KaraOh.com.

From my heart to yours,

The Single Most Important Skill You’ll Need

If you’ve ever wondered what the single most important skill is for creating a deeply loving, passionate relationship is, I would tell you, without a doubt – it’s the ability to use the power you already have, as a woman, over any man you want to influence.

That’s because the single most important ingredient of any successful relationship is… the power that is hidden within you right now. I call it Feminine Grace and I’ll teach you how to use it. Click Here.

Are Prenuptial Agreements Unromantic or Smart?

 

On Good Morning America this morning, they had a story on the growing popularity of prenuptial agreements. They’re no longer just for the rich. I posted this topic on my Facebook account this morning and saw that there is some confusion about what a prenuptial agreement is.

Marriage is actually a legal contract. That’s why a divorce has to be done as a legal event. A prenuptial takes the bare bones legal contract of marriage, and creates a contract that is unique to the needs of each couple. If you both brought a home to the union, or if you have children, or if you want to have children and you will stay home with them, with no income, you can create a contract that deals with all these things. The contract can address EVERY issue you can imagine. And, as time goes by, it can be amended to cover new situations that arise throughout your marriage. You can even put in who will be responsible for walking the dog or what are the consequences if one of you ‘falls off the wagon.’The bottom line is a prenuptial agreement makes you consider the practical side of your lives together, which is always a good idea. In my book, Marriage Makeover and Affair Repair, as well as my upcoming book on pre-marriage planning, I actually take the reader through what should happen prior to ever marriage. That is, to look at the joining of two people in the same way you would the creation of a business. Romance and passion are great but the day-to-day stuff of life are practical, nuts-and-bolts aspects of our lives.

 

Prenuptial agreements may not be romantic, but they are smart. I think every couple should have one because it makes them look at the practical side of creating a life together.

From my heart to yours,

The Single Most Important Skill You’ll Need

If you’ve ever wondered what the single most important skill is for creating a deeply loving, passionate relationship is, I would tell you, without a doubt – it’s the ability to use the power you already have, as a woman, over any man you want to influence.

That’s because the single most important ingredient of any successful relationship is… the power that is hidden within you right now. I call it Feminine Grace and I’ll teach you how to use it. Click Here.

 

Join me on the Web!

• Twitter
• Facebook
• YouTube
• LipSmackinLove.tv
• AliveWithLove.com

 

A Quick Guide For Women

If you truly want a better relationship with more love, romance and respct, you need to know the secrets about men that I reveal in my book, Men Made Easy. Available in paperback or instantly downloadable in e-book, you will be invited into his private world. And that is when you’ll finally get what your heart desires.

This quick guide is designed to help women tap into their feminine grace and understand how to be a true partner to their man.

1. Men need to feel successful, so-much-so that, to a man, failure is almost unbearable. For them, if they fail, they no longer feel like men. It’s why most men commit suicide, which they do more often than women.
2. Men are most attracted to happy women who genuinely like themselves and who enjoy being women. When you’re happy, he feels successful. When you’re a bottomless pit who never seems pleased by anything he does, he finally gets worn out and leaves.
3. Men hate it when a woman tries to change them. What it tells them is that they’re not okay the way they are. That makes them feel attacked, which makes them put up defenses against those attackshttp://www.alivewithlove.com.against you. A defended man cannot love a woman the way she wants. You can help him dismantle those defenses and once again open his heart to loving youhttp://www.alivewithlove.com.like in the beginning of your relationship when he thought you were the most wonderful woman on the planet.
4. Since they were boys, men have been taught not to feel. “Pick yourself up, don’t cry, be a man.” Those messages were taken to heart and as men, the only person they feel at all comfortable being intimate with, sharing at least a little of what’s going on inside of them, is their wife. He’ll begin to share things he may have never told you before, no matter how long you’ve been married. You really are his only source of intimacy.
5. When you get engaged it’s the beginning of a fantasy-come-true. But he didn’t pretend wedding when he was a boy, he doesn’t buy “Groom” magazine and plan his wedding. For him, it’s very much a financial decision and a willingness to take on some very big responsibilities. When you understand what he’s going through, he’ll see how unique and special you really are. He won’t want to risk losing you.

I want to help you take charge and begin to be the happy, magnificent woman you were put on this planet to be. If you’re interested in joining me, the first step is to read Men Made Easy because that is the foundation of everything I teach, and where I introduce the concept of Feminine Grace. And you can join my support group where other women, just like you, are struggling with the very same issues you are.

From my heart to yours,

The Single Most Important Skill You’ll Need

If you’ve ever wondered what the single most important skill is for creating a deeply loving, passionate relationship is, I would tell you, without a doubt – it’s the ability to use the power you already have, as a woman, over any man you want to influence.

That’s because the single most important ingredient of any successful relationship is… the power that is hidden within you right now. I call it Feminine Grace and I’ll teach you how to use it. Click Here.

How To Get Your Husband To Pick Up His Socks

Socks are a metaphor for whatever you want to get him to do. This video explains how to get him to want to do those things that will make you happy. If you’ve been nagging and complaining for a while, it might take a few attempts, but once you get this technique down, you’ll both be a lot happier.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

 

 

For more articles on love and romantic relationships please visit Kara Oh at Alive With Love here.