How Often Should You Call Him?

Women write to me all the time wondering how often it’s okay to call, text and email a new man. I think they ask because at an instinctual level, they know whatever they’re doing is probably too much. So here are some guidelines so you will avoid the mistake of scaring a man off by being too needy and clingy.

When you’re first getting to know a man, before you have established clearly (via a face-to-face conversation) that you are a couple, will not date anyone else and will not have sex with anyone else, your job is to receive and his is to give. You receive his pursuit of you, you receive his phone calls, his texts messages, emails, request to take you out on dates. His is to give to you attention, phone calls, texts, emails and requests to take you on dates.

You do not initiate phone calls, texts, emails at this stage. You WAIT to respond to him. You return his calls, respond to texts and emails, and say yes or not to his requests for dates. The moment you begin to make the calls, text him, send emails, or ask him to go on a date, you have begun to pursue him, which feels to him that you are taking over his job as the man. Because you are. Most men do not like this and will walk away from this kind of woman. To them it feels like you are being clingy and needy.

Another, even more important “job” of dating is, as you get acquainted, to determine if you should continue to pursue a relationship. Men do this better than women do. Men are able to just be in the moment, enjoy time with a woman, and if it keeps feeling good, keep seeing her. Women, on the other hand, tend to try to turn it into a relationship, sometimes–with online dating–even before you’ve met. You can’t be objective when you’re hoping, WAY TOO SOON, that it will become a relationship. Women need to learn from men to be more pragmatic and just enjoy it as a nice time spent together. That’s it. And if you continue to have a nice time together, and learn things about each other that you like, respect and admire, you continue to see each other. Eventually, you realize you don’t want to spend time with anyone else.

Women need to slow down and relax. It’s just a date until you have that conversation that you will be a committed couple. And even then, it doesn’t mean you’re headed to the alter. It only means you’re going to continue to see what’s possible, but won’t be dating anyone else for the time being.

So relax and just have fun allowing him to pursue you. That’s the golden rule of dating. His job it to pursue you and yours is to RESPOND to his efforts at winning your heart. And you know what, if you learn to do this, it will feel a whole lot better than what you’ve been doing.

I share all of my secrets about men in Men Made Easy, a fun, easy read that shows you how easy it is to transform your relationships with men by developing your Feminine Grace.

From my heart to yours,

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