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Non-Monogamy, An Alternative
Intellectually, how could we want to deny our partner any source of happiness? That was my struggle. But my heart and my gut said no $##%%$#@$ way. It seems the only reason two people would want to join as an exclusive couple, other than to create a family for child raising, would be to experience the deepest love possible. Only time and a true knowing can allow that depth to occur. I talked with several couples who had tried open marriages and they all said it didn't work. They said either the love withered or jealousies and insecurities made it intolerable. They said the outside sex took their energy, interest, and focus. They were not emotionally available to deepen the love with their primary partner. John Grey's wife, after hearing his rational reasons why he thought it would be okay for him to have an occasional affair said it beautifully, "John, I would never want to tell you what you can do. If I thought you were possibly having affairs when you left to teach your seminars, I would begin to close up. I would always be comparing myself and trying to measure up. I would never feel good enough. I don't know whether it is right or wrong. All I know is that it would be too difficult for me to stay open." If we can't stay open to our partner, if we begin to shut down, we're defeating the whole purpose of being in a loving relationship. One of the main ways we build that deep love is being open, trusting, and sharing who we really are. Most of us are looking for the magic that comes with the deepest kind of love. Maybe it's a fantasy built out of childhood fairy tales but I believe that kind of magical love is possible. 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets
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As long as we're on the subject, let's talk about another option, sometimes called, open marriage. I have strong opinions about this because this is the idea that began the breakup of my 29 year marriage. I'll try to stay objective.
