|
Having a partner, however, changes things for a lot of people. Not everyone is tolerant or understanding of a partner who masturbates. Indeed many people feel uncomfortable with the discovery of their mate pleasuring themselves. “I felt inadequate and resentful,” one woman said. The feeling is not uncommon. Unfortunately, it is a feeling that often compounds any problems that may already exist in the relationship. In many cases it leads one or both partners to furtively go about looking for opportunities to masturbate. It is almost as though they were hiding an affair. The feelings of inadequacy and resentment that many feel are understandable but erroneous. Masturbation can not replace a partner. In the imaginative world of sexual practices it is but one way to achieve climax. It is a natural and enjoyable alternative to unwanted or unprotected sex. Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders was dismissed from the Clinton administration for suggesting masturbation be taught in sex education classes as a means of practicing safe sex. She was fired. She was also right. Masturbation also provides an opportunity for much needed sexual education. It is hardly reasonable to expect a lover to know how to give us pleasure when we don’t know how to give ourselves pleasure. Still such unreasonable expectations are common. It is astounding but many sexually active young women have never examined their vaginas. Many become pregnant before they are able to distinguish between their labia, vulva, and vagina. Frequently they are disappointed in sex. Their mates are disappointed. Nobody is happy. They may continue together. But sex is less than either had reason to hope for. It is easy to become resentful. For the man or woman who doesn’t know his or herself, the world is filled with poor lovers. Yet the world is quite a different place for the self-aware. Their world is full of good lovers and satisfying sex. If it is true, and it is, that you can’t really love another until you love yourself. Does it not stand to reason that you can not please another until you learn to love yourself?
|
For those of us who are not involved in a sexual relationship, masturbation poses no problems. In the privacy of our homes, we stroke, touch, and fondle ourselves in whatever manner we like. There is no cause for embarrassment.
