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Communication That Reaches Into The Heart - cont'd:
Now for the tricky part. You need to be quiet. Not a word. Ask your question, then wait until he responds. One of the most profound things I learned when I was interviewing the men for my book, Men Made Easy, is that men need, what I call, "moments of silence." That is the time they need to gather their thoughts. We think it's our time to jump in and comment. DON'T! Allow as many "moments of silences" as he needs. Each time you don't jump in and start talking, the safer he'll feel, and the more likely he'll speak with more vulnerability. When he's done, don't comment unless he invites you to. Simply thank him for sharing. If you've been cutting him off for a long time, or editing what he does say, it might take you a few tries to get him to trust that he'll actually be listened to. If you want more heart-to-heart intimacy, this is the way to get it. Oh yes, never, ever repeat what he’s shared with you. If you do, and he finds out, it will be the last time he opens up to you. Which is more important to you, deeper intimacy with him, or sharing something juicy with a girlfriend? You Get What You Ask For Women too often want men to read their minds. How many times has a man asked you, "What's wrong?" And you say, "Nothing." But something is wrong. You just don't want to have to tell him. You want him to just know on his own. That's simply not fair. If you want to improve the communication in your relationship, it's up to you. To get what you want you have to ask for it and in very specific terms. Men want to please you. They want to be the man you want them to be. All you have to do is tell them how. If you make him guess and he guesses wrong, he will feel like a failure, and you will feel dissatisfied. It's a lose-lose situation. If you like surprises, then give him a list of things he can do and gifts he can give you. Cut them up, put them into a jar, and tell him to just pick one once in a while. Explain that when he surprises you it makes you feel more like a woman. Tell him that when you're feeling more like a woman you're more open to him as a man. He'll get the picture. Learning how to communicate efficiently and lovingly with a man will do wonders for your relationship. For tips on how to do just that, check out Men Made Easy by Kara Oh. The secrets revealed in this book will guide you into the relationship you always wanted.
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golf, or why driving fast is such a passion. Whatever he's into, ask him why he likes it. This causes him to have to go into his feelings, but it isn't as scary as "why do you love me?" Can you feel the difference?
