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AliveWithLove.com Home Only subscribers to the newsletter have access to this page. Sseptember 16, 2006 Hi all you lovely ladies (and you guys who want to learn about women), Summer is over and school is starting up once again. Even I have gone back to school. I'm taking Sociology and Philosophy. Keeps my mind sharp and hopefully will stave off dementia or even alzheimers. Hopefully you had a great summer and enjoyed lots of new and exciting experiences. Did any of you meet that special someone? Did you get that proposal you've been waiting for? Maybe you got married. Most important, have you learned to be happier, simply because you are you? That's the most important thing of all and I hope to help with that goal in whatever ways I can. In this issue: 1. Do You Bring the Best Out In Each Other? The best relationship is when you cause each other to be a better person. That usually happens in the beginning of a relationship. You're putting your best self forward so you can make a good impression. If we could look at those changes as a vehicle to become more like that all the time, what a great opportunity to grow. But if, for example, one of you has, over the years, developed the habit of being critical, it will begin to emerge when you get comfortable. What often happens, after the newness wears off, you can actually end up bringing out the worst in each other. A great exercise to do once you have established that you are going to be a committed couple is to make a detailed list of what you like best about each other. Then study that list to see if that is the way you always are or if it is something you are doing just to look good. This takes some real honesty with oneself and not always an easy thing to do. If you want to incorporate some of those good qualities into the "permanent" you, then start becoming the person you want to be. To take this one step further, why not become the person you want to be, whether or not it has anything to do with being in a relationship. I first started doing this many years ago. Here's an example: I was going to a party and wanted to be less self conscious and more fun and outgoing. I imagined two women I knew to be that way, pictured them standing on either side of me, then let their fun-loving, playful energy enter me. I breathed it in so I could feel what it would be like to actually be like they were. Then I went to the party and do you know what happened? I was much more comfortable with myself, more friendly, outgoing, and had a really great time. From then on I started practicing being that way with everyone and for many years now, I'm known as a warm, friendly, outgoing person who makes people feel good. If you've been reading my blog you've seen posts where I talk about "the thing" and how that old self-consciousness bites me in the butt every once in a while, albeit not that often. Since doing my most recent round of therapy sessions it has pretty much disappeared. I'm a work in progress and living proof that people can change if they want to bad enough. 2. What Have You Given Up For a Man? On the other side of the above coin, is letting go of good qualities, activities, or friends in order to be acceptable to a man. That's a no-no in my book but most of us have done it, to some degree. If you can't be your true self then at some point in the relationship, you're going to become resentful. You might start blaming him but in reality, it's you who has let yourself down. It might be good to take an inventory of where you may have given up something or someone because of the man you are with. Are you sorry that you did? If so, you should have a discussion with your partner and tell them that you miss whatever it is, and that you want to find time to incorporate it/them back into your life. This is a good time to allow him to be your hero by expressing it this way: Tell him it would make you really happy to be able to _____, and then ask him for ideas to make it happen. If he really cares about you and your well-being and happiness, he'll enjoy being able to help you. If he doesn't want to help, then maybe he doesn't care as much as you hoped he did. Either way, you get to learn something important about him and your relationship. And by the way, just because you let something go doesn't mean he wanted you to. Often, we make assumptions about another person and end up being quite wrong. That's one more reason good communication is so important. On the occasion that I've done this, my boyfriend reminds me he'd like to be part of the discussion and decision-making process. 3. A Trip To Bali I'm in the beginning stages of planning a trip to Bali for 8 to 12 women. Chris (my boyfriend) took me on a 2 1/2 week trip to Bali this summer. I hadn't been back for over ten years and all the reasons why I almost moved there came rushing back. It was wonderful and I'd love to share the beauty, magic, sensuality and grace of Bali with you. I'm in the planning stages only and would like to know if any of you would be interested in joining me. I'm thinking of 7 days plus travel days. We will stay in a beautiful hotel where I can get very good rates. It would be only women, two to a room unless you don't want to share. We would take in all the sights, enjoy great meals, get to know each other, and form lasting friendships. I want to incorporate a light workshop whose focus would be discovering our most delicious, luscious, womanly selves so we can go out into the world with greater passion for life. A rough estimate for the total cost of the trip including airfare, hotel, breakfast and dinner, transportation, guides and most entertainment (traditional dances, etc.) would be $3000 to $3500. Let me know if you would like to be on the contact list. There is no commitment involved. 4. In Case You Haven't Seen This... click here for a good laugh: http://www.AliveWithLove.com/cyclists.html Take some time to pamper yourself, be strong, be soft, and be yourself. Please feel free to forward this to all of your online friends.
Joyfully, ”Your mind is the greatest home entertainment center ever created. It requires contemplative silence to really discover who you truly are. You have immense talents, resources and abilities that are untapped.” -- From Mark Victor Hansen’s Treasury of Quotes Your e-mail address will never be sold or shared with anyone. Your personal information will always be kept strictly confidential. Kara Oh is the author of Past issues menu here Kara Oh "We're here to make you happy."
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