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AliveWithLove.com Home Only subscribers to the newsletter have access to this page. October 6, 2006 Hi, Kara here, This is a post that I just put on my blog and thought it would be good for the newsletter. It's about dating but even if you're married, we often put on "glasses" that skew our reality. We really do create our own reality and it's a good idea to become aware of how you might be doing that and get rid of those glasses. It will improve all your relationships and you'll be happier and more fulfilled. Dating Glasses, Take Them Off! About my experience at my high school reunion (see yesterday's blog post at http://www.AliveWithLove.com/blog/). My perception in high school was that I was invisible. As it turns out, I was not invisible at all. I was just so scared of everyone that no one was drawn to me, no one went out of their way to talk to me, they were actually put off by my appearance of coldness. This, sadly, reinforced my sense of being invisible. It's like I had on a pair of glasses that skewed reality and, because I never took them off, I never got to see what was really going on. In actuality, I created my own reality and it mirrored back a confirmation that I was right. It makes me sad. Do you do the same thing when you are on a date? Are you making up what your date thinks of you? Are you reacting from your own insecurities instead of really seeing what's going on? What I know now is that we create our own reality. You put on a particular pair of glasses which makes you feel invisible, or that everyone else is a jerk, or that everyone else is better, prettier, wittier than you are and you end up living in a skewed world. Now I'm outgoing, friendly, looking out for the other person and doing what I can to make them feel good and bring them out so they feel like playing with me. It's one of the things I like best about myself. And my boyfriend loves introducing me to his friends and colleagues because, as he says, "everyone loves you." I looked at my visit to my reunion as a possible personal growth workshop (depending on how I reacted and wether or not my "stuff" came to the surface) or, as it turned out, a midterm. It was a midterm, and I got an A+, because not once did I ever feel insecure, not once did "The Thing" (see My Therapy) rear it's ugly head, and I had a really, really good time. I played, talked to everyone I could, and participated in everything. If you are on a date with someone you like and would like to get to know better, you have to make a heart connection. If you are focused on how you look, how you are coming across, if you are clever, witty, funny, intelegent enough, you are wearing Dating Glasses and you will not be seen for who you really are. Take those glasses off and focus on your date. Be playful, fun, INTERESTED and interesting, and care about their comfort and well-being. If you do that, and that might take some practice to learn, you will be someone to fall in love with. If you are a woman I call it Feminine Grace. You can develop it and enjoy your life a whole lot better. If you're a man, just become a Prince. Treat her as if she is a precious gift. If she appreciates how you treat her and who you are, she's worthy of another date. If she does not appreciate you, move on to the next one. Keep searching until you meet a woman who does appreciate you. There are too many women who have become so independent that they can't see that you have needs too. Real love comes from mutual respect and consideration. The sparkles of attraction are not enough to sustain a real relationship. They're fun, but when you want something real, you've got to have the foundation that allows you to build something solid and worthwhile. With much love, Take some time to pamper yourself, be strong, be soft, and be yourself. Please feel free to forward this to all of your online friends. ”Your mind is the greatest home entertainment center ever created. It requires contemplative silence to really discover who you truly are. You have immense talents, resources and abilities that are untapped.” -- From Mark Victor Hansen’s Treasury of Quotes Your e-mail address will never be sold or shared with anyone. Your personal information will always be kept strictly confidential. Kara Oh is the author of Past issues menu here Kara Oh "We're here to make you happy."
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