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October 10, 2006

In this newsletter:
For the single women: "Why Can't I Find a Man?"

"Why Can't I Find a Man?"

I get this question all the time. On first glance, since it is via email and I don’t have a clue who these women are, it’s pretty silly to be asking me. But, there are things that are said that give me fairly clear clues.

I’m an expert on men so let me tell you what I think is going on. I’ll give you the prhases that I get from women and then what the men’s reactions would be to this kind of woman:

“I need a man.”
Reaction: She’s desperate, run.

“I’m getting older and can’t wait any longer.”
Reaction: She’s desperate, run.

“I want someone to take care of me.”
Reaction: She’s desperate, run.

“I’m getting scared that I won’t ever find anyone.”
Reaction: She’s desperate, run.

I think you get the point. MEN ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO DESPERATE. Or needy. Or clingy. When I was interviewing men I always asked them what they were attracted to in a women. After giving me their favorite body parts they revealed a lot of useful information. Here is their list:

She’s confident.
She’s comfortable in her own skin.
She has good posture.
She’s happy and has a great smile.
She’s interested and interesting.
She makes everone feel comfortable.

Women who are getting older need to focus more on becoming more confident, happy with who they are, more outgoing and friendly, more interesting and interested, and of course, be as physically attractive as possible, without being obsessive about it. And while all that is going on, they need to let go of “needing” a man. They absolutely must shift their thinking to, “I don’t need a man, but I’d like one. If one comes along, that will be a bonus, like icing on an already great cake.”

Men can see a desparate, needy woman from across the room. There’s a pleading in the eyes that say, “Notice me, choose me.” Plus, men like the chase so if you’re not giving them anything to go after, they’re bored quickly, and often, they don’t even want to try. This is a big subject so I’ll say more at a later time.

With much love,
Kara

Your e-mail address will never be sold or shared with anyone. Your personal information will always be kept strictly confidential.

Kara Oh is the author of
Men Made Easy
Marriage Made Easy
Women Made Easy
How To Capture His Heart (A dating guide - coming soon)

Past issues menu here

Kara Oh
P.O. Box 21803
Santa Barbara, CA 93121
805-687-2448