AliveWithLove.com Home
Your Alive With Love Newsletter

Only subscribers to the newsletter have access to this page.
~ Because the back issues are old, some links and info will be out of date ~

March 12, 2007

Hi, it's Kara here,

I realize you have lots of things you do and this newsletter is most likely not high on your list in the bigger scheme of things. But because this is what I do, I just wanted to share with you that I kind of carry you and everyone on my newsletter list around in my heart. It's the strangest thing but I think about you. When I come across something interesting, have a profound conversation with someone, or an new thought pops into my head, I immediately want to share it with you. Fortunately I don't, or you would be hearing from me all the time. I just wanted to share with you that you're important to me even though we haven't met.

1) Home As Safe Haven
2) More On Self-Confidence vs. Self-Esteem
3) Fertile Times

1) Home As Safe Haven
Chris, my boyfriend, was talking to me about how I've created a safe home for him and that he's never experienced that before. Not with his family as a child, not with his wife of 17 years, and not with any girlfriend. He says that's what I teach to women. That got me to thinking. You know I teach that Feminine Grace™ is the vehicle that you need to develop in order to create a life filled with love and happiness. But I never thought about it as creating safety for our partner.

Then I thought some more and realized that before the 60's and feminism, women were expected to be the keepers of the home and were assumed to make it a safe and comfortable place for their husbands and kids. Today things are different. Most women work and, at the same time, women are still assumed to be responsible for the home. But that needs to change because it's too much for working women and resentment can too easily rear it's ugly head. And you know how I feel about resentment: it kills passion first, then romance, then love. So, to better insure that your relationship can grow and not wither from neglect I think a couple should, together, as a team, consciously do whatever they can to make their home a safe haven.

I think a couple should talk about this aspect of their home and their relationship and discuss things they can do to create a safe haven for each other. I think they should promise to be kind to each other, to be thoughtful, to keep the home harmonious, loving, and nurturing. If you need to learn to communicate better, to be more open sexually, or to be loving, nurturing or supportive, commit to doing whatever it takes to improve; books, tapes, classes, workshops, seminars, whatever.

If either of you can't make this promise to create a home that is safe for both of you then there is something seriously wrong with your relationship. Couples can often be rude and downright mean to each other out of habits that develop quietly, insidiously, over time. If there are resentments that keep you from being able to make this problem, then you need to talk about them and resolve whatever has been festering. You might even discover you need to go to a couple's counselor. If you want to stay together and have the best relationship possible, it's worth it to do whatever it takes.

Have a conversation about your desire to make your home a place that is safe from the chaos "out there", to recharge your batteries, and feel nurtured and loved. If you do it could be a huge turning point in the betterment of your relationship. If you do this together I can almost promise that your bond will grow and your love will glow.

(If you haven't read Men Made Easy yet and don't know about Feminine Grace you can read just that chapter at http://www.AliveWithLove.com/beauty/feminine.html

2) More On Self-Confidence vs. Self-Esteem
Last week one of you wrote and asked me to explain further the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem. I thought you might like to read my response to her because this topic caused so many of you to write to me with your support.

In that article what I meant was that it's more of a feeling that I get with each, not so much a dictionary meaning. With self-confidence I can do most anything, talk to most people with ease, I can, and love to speak to an audience, the larger the better, etc. But when I am intimidated by someone I look up to and want to be like, who is doing what I aspire to do, I hesitate and hold back. To me, the only reason that this occurs, and there are very few people that would cause this reaction in me, is that I don't think I am worthy of taking up that person's time. That they wouldn't find value in knowing me. That's about not believing in myself and to me, that is self-esteem.

The funny thing is that before I stepped onto my self-improvement path I was so insecure that I was scared to start a conversation with anyone I didn't already know. I started practicing by saying hello to strangers with a big smile on my face. I found that people responded very positively. They were happy to receive a smile and a friendly greeting. I kept challenging myself and got to where I could start a conversation with pretty much anyone, joke and play with them, flirt, be supportive and nurturing...unless I look up to them. No problem with the film celebrities I meet around town, no problem with politicians, no problem with multi-multi-millionaires who are off-the-charts successful. But someone who is a motivational speaker, a successful writer who I know is in great demand, I freeze up if I want to approach them. A person who has hundreds, even thousands show up for their seminars, I hesitate, don't take advantage of the opportunity to get to know them, then kick myself for weeks and months afterward. That's my next challenge and appears to be the next big hurdle to my Ever Evolving™ self-esteem.

3) Fertile Times
I came across a little article in Bottom Line Personal that I thought you might find interesting:
"Did you know that women dress more fashionably at their most fertile time of the month? Women aren't necessarily aware of when they are ovulating, but they tend to choose flashier clothing then."
–Marti G. Haselton, PhD, associate professor, department of communication studies and psychology, UCLA, and leader of a study of clothing and fertility in 30 women, published in Hormones and Behavior.
Makes you wonder what else we do that we're unaware of?

Until next time, I hope you continue to "come alive with love."

With much love,
Kara
"Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?" – Fanny Brice
P.S. For more tips about how to make your love life work for you, not against you, go to:
Visit AliveWithLove.com often.

Kara Oh
Ph: 805-687-2448
P.O. Box 21803, Santa Barbara, CA 93121

Take some time to pamper yourself, be strong, be soft, and be yourself.

Please feel free to forward this to all of your online friends.

”Your mind is the greatest home entertainment center ever created. It requires contemplative silence to really discover who you truly are. You have immense talents, resources and abilities that are untapped.” -- From Mark Victor Hansen’s Treasury of Quotes

Your e-mail address will never be sold or shared with anyone. Your personal information will always be kept strictly confidential.

Kara Oh is the author of
Men Made Easy
Marriage Made Easy
Women Made Easy
How To Capture His Heart (A dating guide - coming soon)

Past issues menu here

Kara Oh
P.O. Box 21803
Santa Barbara, CA 93121
805-687-2448