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November - 2001

This Month's Issue Includes:

1. What Do You See?
2. Gracious Receiving
3. Light His Fire
4. Best Dear John Letter Ever
5. What Kills Passion by 50%?

Hi everyone,

January is slipping by way too fast so I wanted to connect with all of you so I can wish you a joy-filled 2006.

1. What Do You See?

You all know about the cup half full/cup half empty thing. But it's so familiar you probably don't often think about what it really means. For me, it's a matter of what I focus on. I learned a long time ago that I have control over my attitude, my outlook on life, and ultimately, my happiness. If you're one of those who tends to notice what's wrong more than what's right, I invite you to try an experiment. When you catch yourself mired in what's wrong, stop yourself long enough to find something good to focus on. Whether it is work, a friend, your child, yourself, or your husband or boyfriend, look at the good. Then, when you catch yourself slipping back to what's wrong, just remind yourself you're trying something new. When it comes to people, not only shift your focus, tell them what's good. Did they do something helpful? Were they clever about solving a problem? Do they look great today? Tell them in a sincere, genuine way, and watch them light up. You'll feel better and so will they. And what about you? What's great about you? What are you proud of? What do others like about you? If you feel good about you, you're more likely to see that half full glass. The more you do this, the quicker you will change a habit from half empty to half full. Half full is where the fun is. Try it and see. This kind of attitude change can make all the difference in you achieving those 2006 goals.

2. Gracious Receiving

I love to give and to do for others. I'm a natural nurturer. But I haven't been so good about allowing others to do or give to me. I remember driving with a couple of girlfriends who were talking about receiving. One had a seminar called Women and Money. She said that the Day of Receiving was the primary time that women would quit the course. I remember telling them, "I don't do receiving." It appears that a lot of women have trouble receiving.

When you think about it, doing for others and not allowing them to do for you is really quite rude. It creates an imbalance and they begin to feel uncomfortable. Plus, they like giving too. You keep them from enjoying that pleasure when you don't let them do for you.

This weekend, on a ski trip in Utah with my boyfriend, Chris, he said he wanted to play a game with me. He would give me opportunities to allow him to give to me so I could get over the discomfort I feel when he wants to give me something or do something for me. I immediately started voicing my discomfort and he said, "Well, you flunked the first test." But shortly after that, I got into it. I told him I needed to buy some yellow goggles because it was snowing that day and the visibility was going to be poor. He said he'd go along so he could exchange the t-shirt I bought him for Christmas for a larger size. While we were at the check-out counter, he said he wanted to buy the goggles for me. I got all squiggly and uncomfortable, but then remembered our game. I said, "That would be really nice." He got to have fun giving me something, and I got to have fun receiving. The sales woman saw this exchange so I explained that my boyfriend was teaching me how to receive. She looked at us and said, "I want someone to teach me to receive." We all laughed.

In the spa later, after skiing, I offered to get out and turn on the jets, which meant walking over the snow that was on the pool deck. He said, "Let me do it"." Without hesitation, I leaned back and said, "That would be nice." There were several other "tests" that weekend and I'm starting to get the hang of it and he's loving me more than ever. Duh! I guess I need to read my book again. '-)

Are you a good receiver? Do you let your guy be "the man"? Every time we graciously receive a gesture of assistance or a gift of any kind, we are giving him the gift of feeling like our man. Chris and I are having such fun with this that I thought maybe some of you could benefit from learning to be gracious and appreciative receivers. Of course, some women suffer from the opposite, which is being demanding. That's "ugly" behavior, and we all know how men respond to ugliness.

3. Light His Fire

Have you ever wanted great new ideas that will put a serious spark back into your relationship? Well, I purchased it and it's filled with creative ideas that you'll both love. Click here to find out more.

4. The Best Dear John Letter Ever

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "dear John" letter from her boyfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Mary,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,
John

Mary, with hurt feelings, asked her colleagues for any snapshots they could spare of their boyfriends, brothers, ex-boyfriends, uncles, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of John, Mary included all the other pictures of the men she had collected from her buddies. There were 57 in that envelope along with this note:

Dear John,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quit remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take care,
Mary

5. What Kills Passion by 50%?

On Good Morning America this morning they told of a survey taken in Italy. It was discovered that having a TV in the bedroom cuts the times a couple makes love by half. They also suggested that a smaller bed, queen size, only pretty things on the night stands (no old kleenex, medicine, etc.), pretty, clean sheets, and no books, newspapers, magazines, dogs, kids, etc. laying around on the bed. Basically, turn your bedroom back into a bedroom instead of a family room. That is, of course, if you want to make love more often.

Please feel free to pass this email along to your friends, but only with their permission. I don't ever want to be accused of sending out spam. Better yet, have your friends join my mailing list.

Please feel free to forward this to all of your online friends.

I wish you buckets of love and happiness,
Kara Oh

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. --Calvin Trillin

Your e-mail address will never be sold or shared with anyone. Your personal information will always be kept strictly confidential.

Kara Oh is the author of
Men Made Easy
Marriage Made Easy
Women Made Easy
How To Capture His Heart (A dating guide - coming soon)

Past issues menu here

Kara Oh
P.O. Box 21803
Santa Barbara, CA 93121
805-687-2448