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AliveWithLove.com Home Only subscribers to the newsletter have access to this page. August 28, 2007 Hi all, it's Kara here, In this issue: 1) How To Not "Freeze Up" When You Like Someone Part of this question was why this happens, but because that is an individual thing, I'll offer just a general answer. I think a lot of the why we freeze up when we're attracted to someone is fear of messing up and causing them to lose interest. The irony is that this is exactly the kind of thing that can keep him from wanting to get to know you better. Now for how to avoid doing it in the future. One of the best ways to keep from freezing up in any circumstance, including public speaking, is to remember that most people are scared of each other to some degree. The safest thing to do is assume that the other person is just as scared and that they'll REALLY appreciate it if you make the first move, or keep it moving along. If this happens to you a lot, then I'd advise that you practice having a pretend conversation with the person in front of your mirror. Practice what to say, ask questions that would be fun for them to answer, practice being a great listener, practice showing genuine interest. Then, and this is the most important step, practice opening your heart to his. Imagine your heart having a warm, compassionate, caring moment with his heart. Imagine how it would feel for your heart to connect to his. If you do this, and really feel it deep within your being, you won't go into fear because hearts can only connect in a pool of love. It's not possible to feel fear and love at the same time. Try this with people you don't know and begin to feel how nice it is. If you can turn this into a habit I guarantee your whole life will shift into a bright, shiny new place. P.S. Another reason we freeze up is shyness, which is really a kind of self-centeredness. You can read an article I wrote on this topic here 2) Dating Turn-Offs - The Results 3) Focus On The Love Here's what happened to me this week. Maybe you can relate and hopefully, not do what I did. My core belief is that I'm a bother. (I have a workshop that discovers your core belief and how to heal it so it doesn't completely run the show, which mine used to do, but now only shows up occasionally, and when it does, I generally recognize it pretty quickly.) When the "I'm a bother" belief kicks in, I feel separate, withdrawn and closed off. I'm definitely not able to give or receive love. When I showed up at Chris' this Thursday evening, he was at his computer. He was preparing to start his Executive MBA program on Saturday. He has a new textbook and has been working hard to be ready for his new students. He didn't get up, didn't even look at me. He just gave me a cheery, "Hi." Well, I wanted him to stand up and give me a hug. But did I say anything? Noooo. I didn't want to be a bother so instead, I withdrew and got hurt, without giving him a chance to know what was going on. My mentor, David Neagle (an amazing man), told me recently to read Conversations With God by Neal Donald Walsch. After two days of being "on it" at Chris', staying pleasant but withdrawn, I decided to pick up Book 2 and see if there was some message for me. I went to where I had left off a couple of days earlier and low and behold, the topic was telling the truth. Mr. Walsch had just asked God, "Does this mean we are to express any feeling–no matter how negative or destructive?" Well, the answer was that it is important to tell the truth, our truth, but to do so in the most loving, compassionate way possible. I was not telling my truth to Chris. I was hurting myself and him by not focusing on the love between us. Chris finally insisted that we sit down and talk, to get to the bottom of what was going on with me. I didn't know at the time why I was withdrawn, so he just kept telling me that no matter what, he loved me, to please let that in, and if I did so, whatever was bothering me would melt away. I cried because I knew he was right, we hugged, and I told him to be patient, that whatever was going on would come. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized it was because I wanted a hug when I arrived and that I should have just asked for it. So I promised I'd work even harder than I had been at speaking up and not give in to my concerns about being a bother. It's never easy but if we follow God's advice, and tell our truth in a loving, compassionate way, we don't have to get stuck, hanging ourselves out on a limb, alone, unable to enjoy the love that is all around us. (By the way, when I use the term God I mean whatever force caused this awe inspiring universe to be, whatever caused humans to exist, and whatever force has allowed us to have a spirit, soul and emotions to feel. There are many ideas about what God is and I honor each as valid for each individual.) 4) My New Video 5) Dating Basics Seminar Until next time, I wish you mountains of love, romance, and happiness. With much love,
"Celebrate Life–Be Happy!" Kara Oh ~ If you haven't read Men Made Easy there are things about men you need to know. You can order here. ~ If you want to bring more life and love to your marriage you'll want to take a look at Marriage Made Easy. ~ And if you want your man to learn how to treat you like a queen you'll want him to read Women Made Easy. How To Capture His Heart (A dating guide - coming soon) Feel free to pass this newsletter on to your friends but please copy in it's entirety. Copyright© August, 2007 Your e-mail address will never be sold or shared with anyone. Your personal information will always be kept strictly confidential. Past issues menu here "Celebrate Life -- Be Happy."
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