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~ Because the back issues are several years old, some links and info will be out of date ~
May 28 , 2007
Hi, it's Kara here,
It's been a while since I've sent out an email because Chris and I have been in Puerto Vallarta. Here's a photo of one of our fun adventures:
In this issue:
1) A Fun Way To Meet Men
2) How Mothering Smothers Romance
3) A New Book For Single Women
4) Dealing With Shy Guys |
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1) 1) A Fun Way To Meet Men
On a recent Oprah the topic was how 35 year old women can meet men. One of the guests, Steve Santagati, wrote a book that I'll describe below. He and Gail went out to prove that his suggestions worked. One was a great idea that fits right in with what I teach in my book, Men Made Easy. I've been telling you for years that men love to solve problems for women, to be their hero and that women should give them lots of opportunities to do so. Well, his example was when he had a woman go to a driving range, then ask one of the men there to help here with her swing. He was more than happy to assist her. When Gail questioned this man, and explained what they were trying to do, the man said he wouldn't care at all that it was a ploy to meet him. He said it was flattering. So when you see a man who is attractive to you, think of a way that he can be your hero. Give him a problem to solve or some way that he can assist you with something. Then appreciate the heck out of him, remembering that Secret #12 in Men Made Easy is: A man want's to be with a woman who makes him feel like a man. If you haven't done so yet, I would encourage you to order your own copy of Men Made Easy here. Men Made Easy, How To Get What You Want From Men
2) How Mothering Smothers Romance
I gave a copy of The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida to Chris for Christmas. He took it on our trip to Mexico and was sharing parts of it with me. One thing he shared was that it is not good for the man/woman romantic energy when the woman does little things like straightening collars, brushing hair off of shirts, etc. Coincidentally, I'd grabbed a Cosmopolitan to read on the plane and read an article that said the same thing, that that kind of mothering behavior weakens the attraction and chemistry between a man and a woman. Having been married for 29 years I have been doing that mothering thing out of habit. I preach not to mother but never thought of those innocuous gestures as mothering. Chris has wild eyebrows and when I fixed one recently I immediately apologized. He thanked me. He wants to know when his collar is up or his eyebrows are going gorilla but would prefer for me to tell him so he can fix it himself. Hopefully, any of you who naturally do that tidying up thing will pull back and just tell your guy when something is amiss so he can fix it himself. (You can take a look at David Deida's book here: The Way Of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desire Be Cautious<br>
I was driving in Santa Barbara on Thursday and as I was coming up to a corner where I was going to turn left, I saw a man laying on the sidewalk, next to the curb. He had a blue windbreaker over his head and shoulders but I could see his hands, which were playing an "air guitar." You know, moving his hands as if he's playing a guitar. I got to the corner and stopped. When I looked to the right I saw him flip me the bird. But I also noticed that it was a very angry gesture, with his arm pushing upwards, hard. This gave me the creeps so I locked my doors. Within 2 seconds he was up and pulling on my door handle. If I hadn't had the presence of mind to lock my doors I hate to think what might have happened. Fortunately I could make my left turn but he hung on as I took off. I saw him try to do the same thing to the car behind me. I called 911 right away so he could be picked up and not harm someone else. I'm going to get in the habit of locking my car all the time. I hope my experience will inspire you to be more cautious.</p>
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<p>4) What Topics?<br>
I want to make this newsletter as helpful to you as I possibly can. Would you mind taking a few moments to tell me what topics you would like me to write about in future newsletters? I'd really, really appreciate it if you would. <a href=)
3) A New Book For Single Women
The book I mentioned above, featured on Oprah a few weeks ago, is The MANual, by Steve Santagati. Steve was a cute as they come and I'm sure his cute factor will help him sell more books than if he didn't have that going for him. But I like all his suggestions. There's more in it than just how to meet men but that was the topic of the day. The subtitle says it all: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, And Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top. It's $14.95 at Amazon.com. I went out immediately to purchase a copy and was disappointed because it won't be out until May 29. If it is as good as I think it will be, I'm going to offer a telecourse using it as the textbook. Here's the link if you want to purchase at Amazon: The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top
4) Dealing With Shy Guys
In the last newsletter I asked you to let me know what topics you'd like me to discuss. I was thrilled with how many suggestions I got. If you want to add to the list you can do so here.
The first topic was asking about how to deal with shy guys. With a shy guy you can't assume that simply because he's shy, you can barge in and take charge. He has to have shown some interest for you to be bold. But if you're interested and he hasn't shown you how he might be feeling, the best thing is to start a conversation. If there are no easy circumstances for that to happen, then you can do what I suggest in the first article above. It can never hurt to ask a man to assist you in some way. Once you initiate that kind of interaction, it's easy to ask more questions to engage him and get him to open up and maybe reveal if there is any interest. If he seems interested but doesn't ask for your phone number, you might say something like, "You're a really interesting man. (or fun, or whatever fits and is the truth) Would you like to get together for coffee sometime?" If he says yes but doesn't take the lead then keep going and give him your number. Don't offer to call him. He needs to do something here or you'll never quite get out of you being the guy. As you part, to give him 100% certainty that it's safe for him to call you, tell him, "Now call me. I really do want to get to know you better." If he doesn't call after that then you don't want to have to deal with someone who is that repressed. He'll have to work through his stuff with someone else.
Now, if he has shown interest but he hasn't had the nerve to ask you out, then come right out and ask if he's interested in you. The way to do that and stay in your Feminine Grace is to say something like, "I might be reading things wrong but are you interested in me?" He's got to answer yes or no. If he says no (which will come out in some indirect way) then just say, "Okay, that's cool. I just didn't want to miss out on something if you were." If he says yes, then ask him why he hasn't asked you out. Say this in a flirty, open way, no blaming. If he stammers then just help him along. Keep the direction of the conversation moving ever closer to him setting a date with you. Do it in a playful way and he won't know what hit him, but he'll be very happy. Unless someone is so shy that they can't function socially, once the first date is under your belts, he should feel confident enough to make a second date.
Just remember that shy means the person lacks self-confidence and it also means they are more focused on themselves than you...but not in a narcissitic. To learn what I mean by this, read my article on the topic here.
~ Men Made Easy is for single and married women who want to understand men better and learn what to do to get more of what you want from them.
~ If you want to bring more life and love to your marriage you'll want to take a look at Marriage Made Easy.
~ And if you want your man to learn how to treat you like a queen you'll want him to read Women Made Easy.
Until next time, I'm wishing you mountains of love, romance, and happiness.
With much love,
Kara
"You draw to yourself that which you are." Oprah Winfrey
Visit AliveWithLove.com often.
Kara Oh
Ph: 805-687-2448
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Copyright© April, 2007
by Kara Oh
Ph: 805-687-2448
P.O. Box 21803, Santa Barbara, CA 93121
Your e-mail address will never be sold or shared with anyone. Your personal information will always be kept strictly confidential.
Kara Oh is the author of
Men Made Easy
Marriage Made Easy
Women Made Easy
How To Capture His Heart (A dating guide - coming soon)
Past issues menu here
Kara Oh
P.O. Box 21803
Santa Barbara, CA 93121
805-687-2448
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