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Why Men Hate Complaining
When I ask men what they don’t like about women, complaining frequently tops the list. Men tend not to complain, at least not about little things. They’ve been taught, since they were little boys, to be tough, to endure, to be stoic, to be unemotional, to hold it in, to be MEN. Basically, they’ve been taught that it’s not manly to complain. Consequently, they have little tolerance for any kind of complaining, and especially whining. But there’s more to it than that. Another reason they can’t tolerate complaining is that they have a need to fix problems, to find solutions. If a woman complains, he feels drawn to solve her problem. If she complains often, he begins to feel he can’t solve her problems and feels like a failure. And complaining isn’t asking for a solution. It’s just a way to make someone feel bad and wrong. A better way would be to say, “I have a problem that I need some help with.” (state the problem, succinctly.) Then ask, “Can you help me solve it?” Or words to that effect. Enlist him to help solve the problem, even if he’s the source of that problem. Focus on how this problem is making you feel. That keeps you from blaming, and blaming is guaranteed to shut him down.
If you complain all the time, you begin to be a bottomless pit. I’ve had a lot of men tell me that the reason they left their marriage was because, “I could never make her happy.” If you’re not happy, they’ve failed at their primary job within the relationship. It’s like the hunter who comes home from the hunt empty-handed. continued
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"Women have mothers, sisters, girlfriends...when they need to share their emotions. No one questions or judges them. But men really have no one. You are the only one with whom he can share some of his inner self." 