How To Get Him To Connect More
May 19, 2010 by Kara Oh
Filed under All About Men
A lot of women complain that their boyfriend doesn’t call or email enough. This complaint often goes along with an explanation that his work is really important to him and takes a lot of his time and attention.
First, it’s important to understand what his work means to him. In my book, Men Made Easy, I have a whole chapter on why a man needs to feel successful and how you can use this knowledge to get more of what you want. But for now, the best way to deal with men is to give them opportunities to solve your problem, which they are hard-wired to want to do, and be your hero, which happens to make them feel successful. It’s all about creating Win/Win Love™.
So, here’s what you do to get him to connect with you more often.
Tell him that, being a woman, you need to connect probably more than he does.
Tell him you really appreciate how hard he works and understand how important his work is to him.
This will help him feel understood, which he needs more than just about anything.
Then, to give him the opportunity to fix your problem, make you happy, and be your hero, ask him for suggestions for how you can get more of your needs to connect met.
Then, let him come up with a solution. He gets to be the problem solver for you and that makes him your hero.
Then be okay with what he suggests because that will tell you clearly how much he’s willing to give. But whatever he offers, let him know how happy he’s made you and how much you appreciate his willingness to give you whatever he’s offered.
See, it’s all about creating Win/Win Love™.
From my heart to yours,
I have a new (2-3 months) boyfriend and my only real complaint about him is that he does not want to connect as much as I do–me every second, him every few days. He’s a little relationship-shy but I am being patient because I think he could be worth taking my time and allowing him to trust me and get closer to me on his own timetable. We are not dating other people but he has stopped short of moving forward in any other way. I also do not inundate him with communications, as I am following his pace. I don’t want to seem desperate or clingy. It’s hard, but when I want to send him an email or text something, sometimes I wait 1/2 hour and then I usually don’t feel as COMPELLED to send it as I did 1/2 hour before. Often I’m then doing something else anyway. I hope someone else can use that trick. He also has many more responsibilities than me so I try to keep that in perspective–a business, a teen aged daughter, etc. I am single and have a corporate job with a regular paycheck and no kids. I will continue to exercise my Feminine Grace and I will acknowledge that he has a lot going on and that I appreciate the time we have together and the times he takes to email and stuff. Thanks for reminding me to focus on the positive, let him be a problem solver and to use my Feminine Grace.