Five Things a Woman Can Do to Improve Her Relationship – Right Now!
April 7, 2010 by Kara Oh
Filed under All About Marriage, All About Romance
#1. Instead of complaining, whining, or raising your voice, speak softly with clear, concise, respectful, and loving language.
How do you do that? Before you “react” stop for however long you need in order to calm yourself.
Walk away, explaining that you need to collect your thoughts before continuing. Then plan what you want to say. Sometimes I even write down what I need to communicate so I remember what I need to say. Then, when it’s time to talk about it, I ask that I be allowed to finish before he speaks. You’ll be surprised how well this works. He’ll stay open to what you need to say, you’ll be heard, and if you continue throughout the conversation as two people who love each other, your relationship will blossom.
Benefit to you: You’ll get his attention, his cooperation, and his respect.
Why it works: Men need clear, concise, unemotional language to be able to hear you. Otherwise, they shut it out completely. And we all know how good they can be at doing that.
#2. Look for ways that he makes you happy and let him know . . . regularly.
Some examples might be: “It makes me happy that you like solving problems for me,” or, “You make me feel wonderful when you tell me you love me,” or, “It makes me happy that you help with the kidshttp://www.alivewithlove.com.and they love it.” One of the chapters in my book, Men Made Easy, is titled: “Why Men Are Driven To Make Women Happy.” Letting him know you’re happy makes him feel successful. He needs that and you can give it to him.
Benefit to you: He’ll start looking for more ways to make you happy.
Why it works: If you’re not happy he feels like a failure and men hate to fail.
#3. Appreciate him often, especially for his masculine qualities and those things you know he likes about himself, things he’s proud of.
Examples could be: “I really appreciate what a nice home you’ve been able to give us, thank you so much,” or, “I love how strong you are. I like watching you work,” or, “The way you make love to me is so perfect, mmmmmm.”
Benefit to you: He’ll fall in love each time you do it and you’ll make him feel like a hero. (The last secret in Men Made Easy is “A man wants to be with a woman who makes him feel like a man.”)
Why it works: Men compete with other men and need to measure up. You can validate his worth as a man.
#4. Give him romantic kisses instead of pecks. Long hello kisses tell him you’re glad to see him, long good-bye kisses tell him you can’t wait until he returns, long thank-you kisses tell him you really appreciate what he did for you, and “hey you, kiss me” kisses tell him you want him.
Benefit to you: He’ll feel more connected to you and look forward to being with you.
Why it works: Physical connection is the only way most men know how to be intimate and intimacy is what makes your relationship special.
#5. Flirt with him.
Be playful, tease him, talk sexy once in a while, gaze into his eyes with a “come here, big boy” twinkle, offer sexy kisses and physical touches.
Why do we think we can quit doing the things we did when we were first falling in love and expect our relationship to stay strong? The relationships that endure are those where the couple stays “in love”. That means flirting, being playful, being sexy and sensual, and remembering why we fell in love in the first place.
Benefit to you: You’ll both feel younger, friskier, and more in love.
Why it works: Flirting is a kind of play and playfulness helps cement your bond. And adding the sexual energy to the mix keeps the sexual side of your relationship alive and vibrant. Remember this, when the sexual side of your relationship dies, you become roommates at best.
From my heart to yours,
The Heart Whisperer™
i am so unhappy in my relationship with my boyfriend right now. he acted harshly sometimes. he also make me cry in uncountable times by taking me for granted sometimes. he told too often to understand him. but how can i do that if he’s not letting me feel he still loves me. i want him so badly. i just want him back the way he was before. i should try to apply your advices in our relationship. i think it will work!!
No, what I teach will not work on a man who is disrespectful of you. You can’t change a man like this. Go find someone who makes you feel cherished. You’re attached to him simply because he’s a habit. Get a new habit.
You are right. As I was looking at your advice I was in my head trying to imagine what would have happened if I had applied this to a bad relationship that I have just come out of. The answer is that I think I did try many of those tactics but my partner was disrespectful and abusive and no advice no matter how good it was would have changed that. Walking away from an argument would have helped but it would not have solved anything long term. This advice is to be followed if I ever meet someone who is mature and worth entering into and working to maintain a healthy mutually loving relationship with. I hope your other reader takes that advice to.
When a man (or woman) is abusive and disrespectful, you should walk away. This kind of man will not change, no matter what a woman does. It makes me a little bit crazy when women write to me wanting to use my Secrets on this kind of man. I’m happy for you that you have walked away from this man. The lesson is to not get involved with someone like that ever again.
I found out on Christmas Day that my husband of 28 years has been carrying on a long distance 12 year emotional affair with one of our casual friends. She really was not a friend of mine but I could tell there was an attraction between this woman and my husband. I found a text message on Christmas Day of 2010 and I asked him about it and initially he denied it and then lied about who this was. He had her phone no in his cell phone contact list under a fake name. After several talks he finally admitted that they had been keeping in contact with each other since our kids were little and denies any physical contact.He says they were just friends and he does admit to keeping this relationship a secret from me. He did not want me to know they were talking. When I asked him why he says she was easy to talk to. Our marriage during this time was distant and now I know why. Needless to say I am devastated and hurt and feel very betrayed. He wants to make the marriage work but Im not sure I can ever trust him again. What to do?
What if the guy you are with is not very sexual? It seems sometimes that I want/enjoy sex more than him.
He’s either not that into you or he has a low libido or other issues. I’ve found that there’s not much a woman can do when her desire for sex is greater than the man’s.
My boyfriend and I were so much in love until he thinks that I was cheating on him. I had talk to male co workers, just at work, saying hi and a little talk. After work, no contact. He does not trust me at all and he constantly think that I am cheating. I don’t consider co workers as love affairs but he does not see it that way. How can I make our relationship last without him thinking I am a cheater? Fyi..3 year and a half relationship
Help! i am sooo confused right now. I have a boyfriend whom i have been with for a year until he had to go overseas to study.Our relationship was ok. It was niether good nor bad. I wasn’t very happy with him because i felt he was a control freak, very needy and jealous too. He hates it when i keep in contact with male acquaintances because he thinks i hook up with all of them even though i explain countless times that they are just friends.It always feels like am walking on eggshells when an with him. We never seem to understand each other and are constantly at each others’ throats quarreling over so many things.And now it feels like he’s a nag and a very irritating one. He always gives me the cold or silent treatment when he doesn’t get his way, yet he doesn’t like to listen to me and see my perspective too. Yet, i know he loves me deeply and is seeking long – term commitment. I also believe the distance has played a part in our problems.He’s been very supportive and i have always believed that things can be better between us.He has gotten violent before, once.Because he thought i was cheating… again. I want to end it with him because i want to be happy and free to be me and live how i want to live but i feel i might be making a mistake….Help???
Hi Kristie,
I’m a bit confused. You’re right in wanting to leave him. But why not just tell him you’re done? This is the perfect time to do it because he is away. Tell him you appreciate the time you were together, but you need to move on. Thank him and wish him well. Period. You don’t owe him any more than that. If he causes trouble, have some of your male friends there to give you the support you need.