Have you ever thought about why you date? Isn't it for finding Mr. or Ms. Right? Well, yes and no. I realized, after answering too many questions from women and, yes, men, who needed to let go and move on, what the real purpose of dating is, or, should be. One reason we date is to have fun, go out, do things as a couple because let's face it, the world is organized around coupledom. But another, more useful purpose of dating is to learn. We need some experience to learn what we want in a partner, what we don't want, how to communicate our needs, how to serve the other's needs without disrespecting ourselves, and what it feels like to love, be loved, and even how to be strong enough to part when we know it's time.
But what I've noticed is that way too often, people get involved and immediately try to force the other person into being their image of what a partner is supposed to be. They ignore red flags, bad behavior, incompatibilities, and try to change the person instead of realizing that this is not the right person for them. Dating is a selection process. The problem is that most people don't have a clear idea of what they're looking for. That's why it's important to make a list of qualities that you're looking for. Then, when a person falls short of matching that list, it's important to say, "Next." It doesn't mean that you or that person are bad or unlovable, it simply means that you're not right for each other. But for some reason, that's hard for a lot of people to admit.
Joyfully,
Kara
