June 27, 2006
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Hi Kara
I need some advice! I have been with my boyfriend Matt for nearly 3 years now. He is very selfish and I sometimes find it hard to be in a relationship with him because it feels as though sometimes he just couldnt care less about my feelings. Its not all bad though, he is a great guy and he can be so good to me sometimes (when it suits him!). I am 23 years old and he is nearly 26…
From day 1 he has always had all the control over this relationship. The relationship has always been on his terms and he takes me for granted. For example…the last few weeks he has been spending a lot of time going out drinking with his friends and pushing me to one side whilst he has his fun… I really don't have a problem with him going out with his friends but not if he doesn't have time for the relationship.
He always says that I need too much attention but I dont think that I am particularly demanding. I just want him to be a little less selfish. He always does whatever he wants, even if it means cancelling plans with me cos he got a better offer from his friends…this doesn't happen all the time but it has happened enough times and I am starting to feel fed up! I am starting to lack confidence because of this.
I have told him that I am unhappy and he keeps saying that he wants to make me happy and that he loves me and will put more effort in but it seems to be just talk. I have been thinking about ending the relationship, I really dont want to because we both love each other a lot and in a lot of ways we are good together, but I just can't go on losing my self confidence. I thought maybe if i could understand him a bit better I might become a bit more confident about the relationship and about myself.
I hope you can help me!
Thanks for taking the time to read my email
J.
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Dear J.,
Did you read my book yet? If you did, and he isn't responding, then he doesn't love you enough. If he really cares about you and your happiness, then he should be responding to what you are doing. It doesn't seem like it is worth the heartache. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Do you want this man to be the father of your children, the grandfather to your grandchildren? Do you see yourself growing old with him? If not, then you are wasting good years. No one, man or woman, should be with someone who doesn't respect you. This man is showing you where stand in his life. You are definitely not the most important. Of course your self confidence would suffer when you are willing to be a door mat. You need to be strong and stand up for what you need.
I hope that helps you come to a decision.
Joyfully,
Kara
October 9th, 2006 at 2:29 pm
Your post is on target. Keep it up.