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I just got this question:

Dear Kara,

I have so many questions about men it is ridiculous. Before I ask you anything I want to tell you a little about me. I am a 24 year old single mother of two. I am a part-time receptionist at a law firm and I am a full time college student. I am smart, fun, funny, and people always tell me how beautiful I am. I have been known to stop traffic literally. My problem is I can not get a man to think of me as anymore than a game or sex toy. I have dated alot of guys since I was a teenager and as I get older its getting harder to get a serious relationship. I definitely want to get married someday but I can’t even find a guy suitable enough to date. I have been settling for loosers who have girlfriends and wives and the relatioships always end with me being humiliated. I feel like I might as well be fat and ugly because that’s how I get treated. (No offense to fat people.) What is wrong with me? It can’t be that there are that many wrong guys out there. HELP!
Sincerely,
S.V.

and my response to her:
Dear S.V.,

If you attract only men who want to use you, you are putting that out to them. If you truly don’t know what you are doing to attract those kind of men, ask a trusted friend for advice. The risk is that you won’t want to hear what she has to say and you will not want her as a friend. Better to go to a personal shopper and tell her your problem and that you need a make-over. Also do the same with your hairdresser. Maybe ask the other hairdressers to give you really honest feedback and ideas about how to attract quality men. And try going to places where that kind of man can be found. Adult education classes, lectures, charity groups, etc. Church if you are church-going. Look in new places and you will meet new men. AND THE MOMENT YOU DISCOVER THAT A MAN IS INVOLVED WITH ANOTHER WOMAN IN ANY WAY…DROP HIM AND RUN, VERY FAST, THE OTHER WAY!!! Did you hear that? If not, read it again and again until you really get it.

I hope you can turn things around. And please, please, please tell me you never let these men be around your children. They need stability in their lives and bringing around different men a horrible thing to do to them. For all kinds of reasons. Until you are with someone who is a truly good man, good to you, and your parents approve, you should not introduce them to your children. Then, do so very, very slowly. Don’t sleep with any man at your house (if the children are home) until you are married, preferably, or at least engaged. I’m not old-fashioned but when it comes to kinds, you need to put their fragile spirits first. They are much more impressionable than you can imagine and they are learning, by your example, EVERYTHING from you. Kinds know so much more than people realize. Your first priority must always be their needs.

With much love,
Kara