If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

Dear Kara,
I read chapter two in your book and it really scared me. I do not have feminine grace.

First off, I have always been a tom boy. I am to thin as everyone always tells me. 5′3 and I weigh 103. I have three kids so you can only imagine what my body looks like. The boobs I used to have are gone. So I do not know how I can love that. I am not out of shape I just do not have a shape or curves.

I find that lately I am the ugly person in chapter two. My boyfriend and I have been fighting because I feel he does not try to make me happy or do anything for me. Even sexually. I make him feel bad because I tell him the things I would like him to do for me and he says I make him feel inadequate.

I do not understand how I can get feminine grace? I think I am a lost cause. I have absolutely no grace.
Worried,
Nickie

My answer:
Hi Nickie,

Feminine Grace isn’t necessarily about being feminine. It’s more about falling in love with being a woman. It’s about being self-assured and comfortable in your own skin. A woman in t-shirts and jeans can still have Feminine Grace. So can a woman with baggy boobs. If you treat the people close to you with loving respect you are practicing Feminine Grace. They will respond. You know, the honey vs. vinegar thing. When you say things that will hurt, emasculate, or undermine your boyfriend, that is the opposite of Feminine Grace, what I call being “ugly.” And everyone is repelled by ugly. You can become more “beautiful” in how you treat people and with time, often immediately, they will respond.

When you start incorporating the suggestions in my book into your relationship, your boyfriend will begin to let down his guard and start seeing you as the woman he fell in love with. Give it some time and be patient. You might have some resentments built up that could cause you to not be nice to him. But if you remember your goal, to have a more loving relationship, (that’s YOUR goal, what YOU want,) then with time, often much less than you might expect, he will start to be more loving toward you. The more you enjoy being a woman, the more loving he is, the more you enjoy being a woman. You both win. I hope that helps give you more confidence that you are not lacking in anything except practice. You’ll do great. Let me know how it is going.

Joyfully,
Kara
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer