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Here’s a question from a visitor asking for advice:

Dear Kara,

I am a 24 year old attractive single woman and I have major dating problems. There is one I am concerned about right now. There is this incredibly hot bouncer at the night club I’ve been going to almost every weekend for the past 2 years. He and I flirt all the time and sometimes he pulls me outside and asks me to kiss him. Of course I do, but that is as far as it’s ever gone. He never asks me for my number so one day I asked him for his and asked him if he wanted to get together after the club. He said yes and to call him. I did and he never answered and never called me back. Yet he continued to flirt with me relentlessly. Now a year after that happened I got up the courage to ask him why he never calls me. He said because I never call him and we exchanged numbers again. I told him to come visit me after work and he had the nerve to say he’ll think about it. I’ve never had a guy say that to me. Anyway, needless to say he never called. Now I don’t know how to act around him when I go to this club and I can’t go to another club because I live in a small town where this is the best club we have. I don’t want to seem bitter about him dissing me but I don’t want to continue to play his at the club girlfriend and I’m wondering what should I do.
How should I act with him now?
I need your help,
L.

My advice to her:

Dear L.,

The first mistake you made was to kiss a man who you had no relationship with. He was getting what he wanted and that’s all it was. Most women start wanting more from a man even if they didn’t in the beginning. Do not get mad at him. He owes you NOTHING. He made no promises to you. You let him kiss you so you hold a great deal of responsibility in this situation.

If you want to still go to that club just be cute and sassy, flirt if you want, but do not kiss him again. When he asks for a kiss tell him that you you’ll think about it and give him a wink and a smile. He’ll know you’re playing with his line, “I’ll think about it,” but you’re telling him you’re not mad. He’ll think you’re cool for handling it so well. If he presses the issue tell him you’ve decided to only kiss men who take you out on dates. I hope that helps.

With much love,
Kara