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A woman wrote this morning asking about online dating. Here’s what I told her:

I have friends who are dating, engaged, and married to men they met online so it does work. But you must be very cautious. No one can fall in love over the internet. It may feel like love, but it is just warm fuzzies caused by someone seeming to be into you and saying all the right things. Usually, if it’s too good to be true, it is. Always hold back until you get to know someone, his friends, and family, where he works.

Go ahead and be intrigued, but no more than that. There are many men who have learned how to play this game and they do it really well. Here are some things to watch out for:
1. He says he’s falling in love with you. (He might be sincere, but usually not.)
2. He can’t call during home hours. (Because the wife is there.)
3. You can’t call him at his home. (That wife thing again.)
3. He has a sob story that breaks your heart. (This is the oldest trick in the book.)
4. He needs to borrow some money. (Many men are looking to part women from their money.)
5. He’s married but he’s getting a divorce. (Don’t ever get involved with this problem-online or off.)
6. His wife treats him horribly. (Don’t ever, ever get involved with a married man…period.)
7. He says all the romantic things you’ve dreamed of hearing. (He’s learned what works.)

I don’t mean to be a cynic but you just need to be very cautious. How do I know? I married one of these guys. He was a pathological liar. I met his sister, brother-in-law, grown daughter and none of them told me how bad he was because I was so nice and they assumed he’d changed. It cost me a good $50,000 to get out of that one.

There are three main categories:
The first category of men are just dabbling and getting their kicks from getting a woman to fall for them and never intend to do anything about it. The second category are those who are trying to get at a woman’s money. There are a lot of women who have been successful and now divorced. Be very careful. The third category are those who would do you physical harm. All of these require that you have a strong intuition and that you don’t ignore it. I ignored mine and it got me into trouble. I wouldn’t want the same thing to happen to you.

There is another category and that is child molesters. But that’s a different, sickening conversation.

With much love,
Kara