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Here’s a sad question from a young European women:

Dear Kara ,

I bought your e-books and I’ve read them paying great attention. I am a 32 year old woman, living in Europe. You’ve pictured men in a very romantic way; you suggest that in order to feel like a man, his tender heart wants to support and take care of a woman, that he needs to feel like he is needed. Maybe American men are like this?

European men, from East to West (all of them, except very rich men) want us to work hard, to split every single restaurant bill, even in the early stages of dating and relationships, every coffee, they want us to have well payed jobs, they complain if we need them for just a little thing (calling us needy if we can’t repair a car!!).

I’ve been living and travelling in France, Belgium, Germany, Romania, Luxembourg and more and they are all the same. It’not my imagination, all women I’ve met say so, it’s written in newspapers too! From workers to engineers and doctors, they are all like this. I am very feminine, optimist, pretty and tender and it doesn’t work with them.

I wonder again, are American men the way you discribe them? Is this available maybe in US high class only? Do you have an idea of how to behave with European men?

Yours sincerely,
Daniela

My response to her:

Dear Daniela,

I think it has more to do with younger men, than whether or not they are American or European. I’m afraid younger men are more selfish, are used to women being independent, wanting to be equal, and not needing men. And with women so willing to be sexual without the man having to earn it (yes that’s old fashioned) why should they lift a finger to do anything for the woman? When I did my research ten years ago, the men your age were then in their 20’s. I was going to school at a city college and I did notice that those guys were exactly how you describe the men you are meeting. I was telling young women then that the younger guys were not fitting my description of men.

Another reason I think people have lost their manners is because the feminist thinking has caused us all to lost the lovliness of women being feminine and men being masculine. And with parents both working and single parent households, there just isn’t time or energy to raise kids with kindness, consideration for others, and basic good manners. It’s a sad situation and it doesn’t appear that it will improve.

I think an interesting experiment for you would be for you to hold back giving a man your time and attention until he shows you the respect and care you deserve. Be flirtations, friendly, interesting, interested and fun but only say yes to the men who are worthy of you. Probably, because other women will make it easy for them elsewhere, it won’t work, but it could be interesting. If you make a man have to work to even spend time having coffee with you, certainly no sex without him being a gentleman, and you are interesting and intriguing enough, the good guys will show you the respect you want. Most young men that I notice (I’m back in school again) don’t have a concept of what being a gentleman means. Broken homes, films, music, video games, sloppy dressing, and society in general, has lost it’s polish and unfortunately, the younger people are paying a price for it… At least in my opinion.

I would really appreciate it if you would stay in touch with me and let me know how this experiment is going, if you are willing to test it with the younger men you are meeting.

With much love,
Kara