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I get this question frequently so I thought the answer would be something that could benefit all women who struggle with understanding men.

Dear Kara,
I am terrible at reading signs from men. I never seem to know if they are flirting with me or just being friendly. How can I tell if a man is flirting with me or not? Are there some sure fire signs that maybe I can look for?
~ Evangeline (28)

Dear Evangeline,
For starters, even though a man might be flirting with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. He probably is flirting if you feel like he is, but it doesn’t mean that he wants to have anything deeper than some fun. If you look at flirting as just a nice way for people to be playful it will help you to relax and simply enjoy the fun and attention.

Because men are afraid of approaching a woman with a request to go out, flirting is a “safe” way to get your attention. If you like the guy and wish him to show more interest than just playing and teasing, sending some signals that will give him the green light is a good idea. If he doesn’t respond then you can be sure it was “just” flirting.

Here are some signals that you can send that will help let a man know you’re interested while allowing the two of you the pleasure of him pursuing you.

1) Smiling is essential for a man who has sensitivity. Without a smile he assumes you’re not interested and he doesn’t want to be pushy or risk a rude put-down.

2) Eye contact that lasts just a little longer than is comfortable. Watch how you want to drop your eyes when you look at a man you find attractive. Begin to allow that look to linger…just a little longer, with a hint of a smile. Definitely sends a message but yet keeps it feminine, which men love.

3) In conversation, touch his arm a couple of times. That breaks that barrier and releases the tension that’s caused when two people are attracted but not quite sure where they stand. Do it casually in conversation, maybe laughing at something he’s said. Just lean into that laugh and touch his forearm, in a way that says, “Oh you silly, that’s very funny.” If you’re not sure, watch how other women do it. It should be absolutely natural. Practice on friends. Actually, practice all these things, the smiling, the eye contact and touching, on people with whom there is no pressure, people you are not attracted to.

4) Ask questions that get them to talk about themselves…then listen. The best conversationalist is a good listener. Ask fun questions to get men to talk more personally about themselves, like what was the craziest thing they did in college. They’ll think you’re marvelous and quite witty.

5) Online, the same thing about listening applies. Ask great questions then appreciate them for sharing.

6) Online and in general, don’t go into very much detail about your crazy side, if you have one. A man doesn’t want to think you turn into a monster before your period, or that you can’t get along with anyone. What men are looking for are attractive women (you don’t know how un-fussy they are), who are happy, self-assured, comfortable with themselves, and enjoy being women. That’s all. Oh yes, and a woman who isn’t angry at men, appreciates them, and makes them feel special and needed…More than anything, they want to feel like a man. You have the natural ability to give that to him. When you do, you stand out as someone very, very special and unique. Remember, most women are a little bit (or a lot) angry at men in general so if you show him that you’re not like that, you’ll be way ahead of the others.

7) Online and in general, don’t ever be crass unless you want to be treated disrespectfully. Don’t swear and don’t lose control. Be a lady and you’ll go far.

With much love,
Kara