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I got this email this morning, requesting advice:

Dear Kara,
I wrote you back in April about this new long distance relationship that i am in with someone. I was writing
to get your advice, and now find myself back at your
door. I am in a new area of this relationship where i
feel like I am really falling for him. The more that
we connect with one another the more i feel that i
would hate to loose him. He doesn’t feel expendable
to me. Because of this, i’ve pulled back and grown a
little scared about the risk that you take when you
are in love with someone. I am sure this sounds
weird, but i have never been in this place with
someone. I am too afraid to say use the “love” word
with him, because i don’t feel that the moment has
been right,and at the same time i don’t want to say it
to make him have to respond in kind. I am very much
for letting things naturally evolve. My question is
how do you put on the breaks, if you feel your
emotions getting away from you? I want to do this in
a healthy way to keep the right perspective and not
get lost in the intensity of the emotions that i feel
for him. We’ve known each other for over 3 years (good
friends) but come September have been officially
dating for a year. I have this feeling that we are at
a crossroads. Or it may be more of a crossroads
“feeling” for me given this is my first serious
relationship. I appreciate any advice you might be
able to give.

Thanks,
M.

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My response:

Dear M.,

One of the greatest joys of being human, in my opinion, is to be able to lose ourselves in the feelings, sensations and emotions that come with the first stage of love. You don’t have to say the “love” word to feel it. I like how good it feels to hear him say it first. I ignored that once and I was really sorry that I did. Partly because he didn’t really have those kinds of feelings for me. When my partner told me he loved me, before I said it, it was such a treasured moment. I am so happy I waited.

A big reason people hold back their feelings (put on the brakes as you say) is because they don’t know where the relationship is going, they don’t know how the other person feels, or they’re afraid of the force of what they are feeling. My overarching belief about being human is to “GO FOR IT ALL!” as long as no one gets physically harmed and you are in integrity (meaning no laws are broken, you are being honorable, and respectful, of yourself and him. So fall in love, enjoy the feelings, the sense of being fully human. It’s one of the best ways to honor and thank God for being alive. So what if he never feels the same? What’s the worse that can happen? You get hurt, you get embarrassed, you lose something you thought you wanted? If you’re a basically stable person, you’ll hurt for a while, get over it, hopefully learn a great deal about yourself and life, and be better prepared to jump into the next miracle.

I’ve noticed that most women spend a great deal of time in the future when it comes to their budding relationship. That means that while they’re in the future, they’re missing out on the present. And it’s in the present that life and love happens. Love that you’re human, milk it for all its worth, and honor God by loving so deeply that your heart almost bursts with the joy of it. Maybe the man you love will love you back, maybe he won’t. But he will amazed by the person you are because you will be so alive and filled with happiness. If you’ve read my book you know that being a joyful, happy woman is what gets and holds a man’s attention. That’s because when you’re happy, you’re stunningly beautiful. When you’re happy he feels like a man. When he feels like a man, and you’re the source of those feelings, he is more than likely, not going to be able to let you go.

So feel your feelings, discover yourself, and know that if the feelings are not reciprocated you will at least have a man who will hold you in the highest regard and never, ever forget you.

With much love,
Kara