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There is no such thing as a perfect partner. Women talk about wanting to find Mr. Right. Men talk about Ms. Right. But EVERYONE has something that will not be quite right for you. The question is, can you live with it? The man I have been with for almost two years now is way beyond what I was hoping to find when I went searching for him. But, he is not perfect.
Once in a while I catch myself wandering over to the fantasy and very quickly, I snap out of it and realize that the fantasy is just a figment of my imagination. My boyfriend works unbelievably hard. He is a professor and works out of his home. So he ends up, almost every night, working til at least 8:00, midnight on the nights I’m not with him, unless we go out that night. He can’t help it. I could trade him in on someone who doesn’t work such long hours, but I bet the new man would not make me feel more cherished and loved than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. That is worth living with a workaholic (his term, not mine).
When you throw someone away becuase there is something about him or her that doesn’t quite work, remember that the next person will also have something about them that doesn’t work. The quesiton you need to ask is, “Can I live with this?” If you can’t, then move on. But don’t get so hung up on the ideal, your fantasy of the perfect person and the perfect life, that you miss out on the real stuff of life.
Just something to think about.
With much love,
Kara
Tina
November 2nd, 2006 at 5:26 am
hey dear kara,
i`ve read your book Man Made Easy many times since the first time i got to know it on website .every time i read it ,i feel i am inspired and guieded more .i want to say thank you so much and you are a really amazing woman ever.
resently as i still reading it for another around, i met some problems ,and i feel sad ,i want your help …
somethimes i feel ugly ,when i dont wear make-up ,when i am not clean,when i feel self-insecure,when i get emotional,when i am not happy ,when i complain,when i belither,when i am not womanly.i am always trying to be a better me ,but sometimes i loose.when i feel loose,i feel even worse .
why it is so hard just to be myself ?why do i need make-up to feel pretty ?why cant i complain when i am not satisfied ?why need i to smile when i am hurted inside ?is there no one going to love me if i am just myself with out a mask putting on my face?
which on earth is a real me ?with or without a mask ?am i trying to be the best out of myself or am i just trying to be someone else ?
lots of women they are happy just being themselives,they laugh when they are happy,they cry when they feel like crying ,they confess their flaws while they are showing it to others and they are totally comefortable with being imperfect .they dont need to being hard on themselive to get rid of those imperfections while they are still being loved and cherised as a queen as someone they really are .
is it really necessary to pursue a perfect self-image ?as i feel really tired and sad to feel wrong and ugly from time to time .sometimes i feel i am different and i am the best since i am trying to improve myself anytime anywhere ,but actually not really can people tell how precious i am .i feel confused and frustrated.
could you please figure my problems out ?
thanks will never end
Kara Oh
November 2nd, 2006 at 1:33 pm
Hi,
I hope you did not get the message from my book that you need to wear make-up to feel good about yourself and I hope you did not get the message that you need to be perfect and always have a smile on your face. If so, you missed my message. Beauty can only come from the inside. Surface beauty, the kind of beauty that an obviously unhappy super model has, is missing that glow of joy that can only bubble up from inside of you. You need to work on your self-love. When you have that, you put make-up on because it adds to your glow, not that it creates it. Actually, most men would prefer you didn’t wear make-up at all. I know my boyfriend likes me best without it.
A good way to start working on your inner self is to sign up for the Daily Om. It’s really terrific advice. Just go to http://www.DailyOm.com and sign up there.
And, by the way, you can’t expect a man to love you if you can’t love yourself. It starts from inside of you.
With much love,
Kara
Andrea
November 19th, 2006 at 7:19 am
Hi Tina,
As I read your message to Kiara I kept remembering how I used to feel almost all the time. Confused I am a pretty quiet person so I never really “complained†but I’m sure my diss-ease with life in general showed on my face.
My redemption came, believe it or not, when I started to submerge myself in something I love to do – Sew. One day my mom told me to get my mind off of my troubles and she sent me a cross stitch kit (it doesn’t have to be sewing for you). Well, a few weeks after I received it I decided to work on it just because I wasn’t doing anything constructive anyway. Tina, as the work of art unfolded so did my joy. That was many years and at least thousands of projects ago, but I have found that my mom was right. I just needed something besides what I thought were my flaws to focus on.
People never then and still don’t tell me that I’m “pretty†but I always hear positive comments about how sweet and easy to be around I am. In fact, I am far from being a born beauty, but amazingly I get asked out on dates – even though I’ve been 30 for nearly 20 years now –smile-. The men who ask me out never believe that I was always the girl standing in a corner or holding up a wall through high school and college dances. Most of them say “but you’re so sweetâ€.
Honey, the bottom line (I think) is that I found something that I’m really good at and love doing that brings lots of people pleasure which makes me feel really good about me. As I began to look for more patterns and supplies I began to meet people who share my love. At fabric and craft stores someone would invariably ask me: What are you working on – I started making friends and I tell you Tina, life has been a wonderful adventure for me ever since.
So my advice to you is the same as my Moms advice to me. Find something to occupy your thoughts besides yourself.