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I had lunch yesterday with a male friend who is looking for a life partner. He’s 63, attractive in a quirky way, has tons of money and wants a woman who is available to travel and play. He doesn’t want a professional woman who is tied to her job but he also wants a woman somewhere between 35 and 55. She doesn’t have to have lots of money but he’d like her to be financially secure so he doesn’t have to wonder if she is with him simply because he has money. But he can’t find anyone. He says most women have so much baggage from being hurt by previous men that they aren’t able to see past the hurt and just “be” with a new man.

One of the things I’ve noticed in the workshops I’ve done is that way too many women who go through divorce or big break-ups don’t use those experiences as opportunities to grow but instead just hunker down and put their energy into not being hurt and licking their wounds.

My friend described this kind of woman as someone who isn’t open to being playful, fun, interesting, interested or discovering who he is as a person. He said it’s like their energy is weak and uninviting. When he doesn’t want to spend more time with this kind of woman, this only compounds what she already believes about men, herself, and life. So the pool of possibilities gets smaller and smaller.

To compound the problem, as we get older we get more clear about what we want and don’t want, which also narrows the field. I’m thinking of doing weekly workshops that would be open to both men and women, no reservations required, in the Los Angeles area. Is there any interest out there? Each week would include a talk on a dating topic and then a mixer afterward, where singles could mingle. Let me know if there are enough of you in the Los Angeles area to create what could be something really fun. Once I get this going I would like to do the same thing in Santa Barbara because I live half time in both cities.

With much love and best wishes for 2007,
Kara