Last night I went to a launch party for a new magazine in which I have a column. It’s called Scene & Heard In Santa Barbara. It’s a beautiful magazine and I hope they will have mountains of success. Gloria, the spirit behind the magazine, asked for Cocktail Attire on her invitation. I was shocked by how many ignored her wishes and I talked to several people who thought it was downright rude. But what I really wanted to comment on is all the collagen lips. Oh…My…Gawd!!! Everywhere I looked were women who looked like they’d been stung by bees. Not only were their lips obviously enlarged, they were uneven so that it looked like 3 or 4 bees had done a number on them.

As I always seem to do, I began to poll men. They all were adamant that it was really gross. Maybe women are doing it for other woman but I think it’s gross too. I teach Feminine Grace. Purposeful disfigurement and grace don’t go together. Be as natural as possible and you’ll always be your most beautiful self. There are lots of products you can use to enhance your beauty and forestall aging that are not dangerous or disfiguring.

I beg you, please don’t disfigure yourself in an effort to look more attractive or more youthful. If you want bigger lips there are some great products that allow you to control what is happening to your face. I use Physicians Complex Lip Enhancer. I’ve always had very full lips, and they still are, but a while back I noticed that I was beginning to get that line just inside the lip line. I recognized it as how older women’s lips look. Yikes! I’m an older woman. The plumper I use works so well that sometimes it makes my top lip too full. There are others that are probably cheaper but I haven’t used them. Please, no more disfiguring in the named of beauty.

A woman sent me an email explaining that she didn’t trust men and that she didn’t like that about herself. I don’t blame her. I think that would feel just awful and certainly would keep her from enjoying a healthy, loving relationship. The following is my advice to her. If you find yourself feeling like you don’t trust men, maybe my advice will help you:

Hi Cindy,

My intuition tells me that it’s more about trusting yourself. You need to learn to tap into your Inner Wise Woman, to hear your inner voice, which is your intuition. You need to learn to pay attention when your intuition is telling you to beware. If you ignore it, you get yourself into situations that you could have, should have, avoided if you had been listening. Some call them red flags. Most men are basically good and decent. But if you go for the bad boys, or are not that selective in who you date, you will get yourself into situations where a man can take advantage of your gullibility and naivete’. If this does not describe your behavior and you have no discernible reason to not trust men, then you probably need to do some therapy where you dig beneath the surface and sort out what happened in your childhood with your father, an uncle, a brother, a teacher, or some man you looked up to who did something to you to cause you not to trust men. If this is a possibility, pick a therapist with whome you feel really, really comfortable and know that it might take some time. If they do not offer anything that will help you heal and strengthen, only the discoveries, then you need to find someone who will. There is much that can be done with the right person.

I wish you much love,
Kara