My boyfriend, Chris, has taken me to ski in Utah over the long weekend. Tonight he took me to La Caille, an absolutely amazing restaurant. All the waitresses wear very low cut long dresses. One of the servers was an attractive blond but she had on black mascara, heavy black liner, and probably dark gray shadow. She also had a set to her jaw and a kind of energy that said she likes “bad boys.” Chris couldn’t see it. Then he realized that he doesn’t pay that kind of woman much attention because he instinctively knows he’d be rejected because he isn’t her type. He didn’t know that she was advertising for a bad boy. He’s not a bad boy so he just knew he would ger rejected if he approached her or a woman like her.

I told him that all woman who enjoy attracting men are like billboards. Our selection of wardrobe, hair, and makeup are all advertising for our kind of man. My question to you is, are you advertising for the kind of man you are really wanting to be with? If you are still in the exploratory stage and not ready to settle down, then why not try them all. But if you are clear about what you are looking, be sure that your billboard says what you want it to say.

With much love,
Kara

I was out to dinner with my boyfriend and his friend recently. We went into the restaurant and there was a totally hot young woman in EVERY way. As is the norm when men are with a woman, I started to follow her with them behind me. But the view of her tush was so good I thought the guys should get the best view so I stepped behind them. She seated us and her hair and face were perfection and then she tugged on her jacket and her breasts perked up and said, “Hi!” We were all very impressed. There was one thing that both men agreed on though. Because she had on that high contrast lip liner (dark brown with lighter red inside) they said they would be embarrassed to be seen with her. EMBARRASSED! That’s pretty strong, especially because she was soooo attractive. So ladies, you might rethink your lip liner choice. It should be just a smidge darker, with the lighter lipstick on the inside. Actually, every make-up artist I have seen says to blend the liner with the lipstick so that there is no line. Some say to cover the lip with liner then apply your lipstick. My favorite and what I’ve found to be most attractive on my lips is to do what Reggie, Oprah’s make-up man advists. Take a slightly darker lipstick (not liner) and apply it on the outside edges of your lips. Then put a lighter lipstick on the inner part of your lips. There is no line, the colors blend, you can do it without looking if you’re good at staying in the line, and it makes your lips look fuller and more voluptuous.

So, rather than look strange and like someone a guy would be embarrassed to be seen with, why not look sexy and voluptious? You choose.

With much love,
Kara

There’s a man I’ve been seeing at the gym for months. We have sort of smiled on occasion but nothing more. I thought I saw him at Starbucks so today, when I was at the gym and he was right next to me, I asked him if I’d seen him at the coffee shop. It wasn’t but we ended up in the nicest conversation. Here’s a line that doesn’t have to be true: “Did I see you at Starbucks on Tuesday morning?” “No, it wasn’t me.” “Well, then, there’s someone out there that looks a lot like you.” What comes next is up to you.

Then Tuesday evening an older, grumpy looking man and I were the last two left at the car wash. While we waited for the washers to finish I noticed the full moon just next to the Nordstrom tower. I asked if he’d seen it yet. It turned out he wasn’t grumpy at all and we shared a really nice conversation.

My point is that even when someone seems shut off, grumpy, or uninterested in those around them, almost always it takes very little to get a conversation started. Without a conversation, no one is going to be asking for or giving a phone number. Remember, meeting someone is a numbers game. The more people you talk to the greater your odds of finding someone. So, even though it might feel scary to start a conversation with a stranger, almost always, once you do, you’re both glad you did.

With much love and encouragement,
Kara

When I was having lunch with my friend yesterday he also mentioned one of the slippery slopes of online dating services. He said that even when you meet someone really interesting, there’s always that temptation when you get back home, no matter how great the date was, to check to see if someone even better might have just joined. He said it’s a trap that is way too easy to fall into and it keeps you from trying harder to get to know someone you’ve been out with.

If you find yourself doing this you might want to avoid that temptation (if you can) and just focus on one at a time. I’ve noticed that my girlfriend in Los Angeles does the same thing and when I tried online dating I admit I did it too. So how can we avoid missing an opportunity to get to know someone without the distraction of what’s “next” in line. Any suggestions?

I’ll think about this and write a post again this week.

Hugs for now,
Kara

I had lunch yesterday with a male friend who is looking for a life partner. He’s 63, attractive in a quirky way, has tons of money and wants a woman who is available to travel and play. He doesn’t want a professional woman who is tied to her job but he also wants a woman somewhere between 35 and 55. She doesn’t have to have lots of money but he’d like her to be financially secure so he doesn’t have to wonder if she is with him simply because he has money. But he can’t find anyone. He says most women have so much baggage from being hurt by previous men that they aren’t able to see past the hurt and just “be” with a new man.

One of the things I’ve noticed in the workshops I’ve done is that way too many women who go through divorce or big break-ups don’t use those experiences as opportunities to grow but instead just hunker down and put their energy into not being hurt and licking their wounds.

My friend described this kind of woman as someone who isn’t open to being playful, fun, interesting, interested or discovering who he is as a person. He said it’s like their energy is weak and uninviting. When he doesn’t want to spend more time with this kind of woman, this only compounds what she already believes about men, herself, and life. So the pool of possibilities gets smaller and smaller.

To compound the problem, as we get older we get more clear about what we want and don’t want, which also narrows the field. I’m thinking of doing weekly workshops that would be open to both men and women, no reservations required, in the Los Angeles area. Is there any interest out there? Each week would include a talk on a dating topic and then a mixer afterward, where singles could mingle. Let me know if there are enough of you in the Los Angeles area to create what could be something really fun. Once I get this going I would like to do the same thing in Santa Barbara because I live half time in both cities.

With much love and best wishes for 2007,
Kara